I'm Off!

Well, I am off to Tampa tomorrow and it should be great. I am still trying to get all the details worked out about Thursday and Friday night, as I might just stay in Tampa and have Brad and Roy stay with me instead of all that driving. Brad got a few hotties lined up and Roy I am sure will be up for it, but I am just not sure yet. Saturday though, is set and I am ready. I am going to pack all my shit tonight and I'll be leaving here about 1 tomorrow afternoon, so this will be my last post for a few days. I hope you all enjoy your weekend as I know I certainly will. :)

It was SO good to see the Mouse yesterday! I picked her up from school and we went to Walgreens' for the Disney Princess ornaments and then came home and hung them on the tree. She was SO excited! I made dinner and we ate and colored in front of our Christmas tree. As she was leaving, she went up to the tree and gave it a big hug and a kiss, so sweet. I won't see her for a few days but I told her I always think about her and that I will miss her dearly.

Well it looks like the Philadelphia Flyers are back to being the badboys of the NHL. Scott Hartnell got a 2 game suspension for plowing a Bruins player, but what a pussy this dude was. He was on his knees trying to control the puck (?) and Hartnell came across and plowed into him, knocking his head into the dasher. Now of course, everyone is up in arms because this is the 4th Flyer suspended this year (!), and they are burying us across the nation. Good. Bring the hate. We hate all you fuckers anyway so bring your shit. I WANT to be the most hated team in the league. Maybe it'll inject some desperately needed passion back into this game. Wait till fuckin Steve Downie gets called up. You want mayhem? Then it is mayhem you shall get. What a faggot league this has turned into. Makes me sick. How I long for the days of Schultz or Dave Brown starting bench-clearing brawls before the game starts. Thanks Bettman, you fuckin' pussy. Go back to the NBA.

Sean Taylor? Rest in peace dude. I hate your team but I feel bad for the family and the little child you left behind. In my opinion, this was a flat-out hit on him. Perhaps not necessary to kill him (I mean, Christ, shot in the upper leg?), but maybe just a hit to end his playing career. I know this dude was involved with some bad dudes and some crooked shit in the past, but it certainly seemed to me like he was turning his life around and getting on the right path after the birth of his kid, and that's exactly what it should have done for him. But see, once your involved in that thug shit, there's a possibility that you never really escape it. There is a LOT more to this story that we know and it will interesting to see how it all plays out in the upcoming weeks.

Katie is my favorite match from match so far. :)

I saw my psychologist for the first time in three weeks yesterday, and it went pretty well. She said she can definitely notice some changes in me for the better and I pretty much told her what I told you all here in that I refuse to put up with the slightest amount of bullshit from anyone anymore. We talked about my brother being deployed, me being alone for the holidays, I told her about Sara from Connecticut and even Lori. We talked about Marilyn and I told her I have a hard time figuring out why I actually did love her. She told me that I was so very vulnerable and she capitalized upon that. She told me that I was so hungry to love (and to be loved) that I ignored a lot of the things I didn't like about Marilyn because I didn't want to face the reality of it. But once I stepped back (broke up) and really looked at how she treated me throughout the relationship, how she fucked with my emotions, all that shit, I realized how truly wrong she was for me and that I needed to break up with her to gain that perspective. A wise woman my therapist is, I tell ya. Also, she paid me such a great compliment in that she told me that she thinks I should start a Savannah Single Dads group because she has never seen a single dad so committed to their child like I am. Wow, that made me smile and to hear something like that from such a professional really made me feel good. Yep, I'm on the right path, I know I don't have to compromise my values for anyone or anything. Shame it took me four years to do it.

And speaking of Marilyn, she just might get an unexpected visit from me on Friday at her work. I want closure on this and I still have some of her shit that I want to get rid of as I am sick of looking at it and rather destroy it, I'd rather show up and let her know I was there. I haven't decided yet, but maybe I'll just drop it off at the front desk with the secretaries, maybe I'll march back there and startle her and look her dead in the eye one last time. We shall see.

I really think that's about it. I pack tonight and off I go. I'm pretty excited and I am going to see a lot of my old friends who I haven't seen since, well, the last reunion show. Should be killer! :)

Remember: Most relationships fail not because of the absence of love. It's just that one loves too much, and the other loves too many.

Almost!

Well, those Eagles of mine ALMOST shocked the world last night! Almost! They played a great game and kept the Patriots in check better than any team has this year. Hell I was ALL kinds of nervous before this one, and I just really didn't want to be embarrassed, say like a certain team from Washington did in getting blown out 52-7 (teehee). I am a little upset because the game was there for us to take, but a blown call or two, a stupid penalty on a punt, and AJ's interception at the end (what the hell kind of play call was that?!) sealed the deal for us. Me and Carl hung out and watched the game and wow was I into it, screaming and cursing, lol. We had to play a perfect game, and they almost did. I am proud of them, they played with a lot of fire, and that fuck-the-world attitude that mirrors the people of the city. Good job Eagles, good job. Now just don't shit the bed next week against the Seahawks and things will be OK. Oh! And thanks Eli Manning and also the offense of the Washington Redskins, because simply, you both suck! What enjoyment I got out of watching the Giants get their asses kicked on one TV, and the ForeSkins fumbling 4 times on the other. Great job, you frauds. One BIG middle finger to each of you.

I had a pretty good weekend although it kinda sucks to be back at work. I have already had a busy morning and did my physical labor for the day in taking 15 computers over to the library, grrrrrrrrrrr. I went shopping yesterday and bought myself a new digital camera and I must say, it is kickass. I'm glad I got it and I got a pretty good deal on it and also got the extended warranty for a lousy 19 bucks. I picked up some little Christmas stuff for Julia, and I also got her a little pink Christmas tree that I am going to decorate with lights for her, and I also got her those hanging beads you put on the top of a door opening to make it look cool, and I am going to install those in her closet tonight which I am sure she will mark out for.

It seems my parents had a pretty good weekend themselves with both Stevie and Matt home. I told my mom how worried I am about Matt getting deployed and she told me that I worry too much and there is nothing we can do about it. Yep, I do worry too much, but that's me. It sucks that I won't see him when I go up there, but that's life. That trip is in like 10 days and I leave for Tampa on Thursday. My two friends Roy and Ric got jobs in Kansas City and are leaving supersoon, like Ric leaves Wednesday so I won't even see him, and Roy leaves Sunday. So, me and Brad and Roy and whomever else are going to party like rock stars on Friday night, Saturday is the show, Sunday I leave and evidentially, so does Roy. I'll miss that fucker but I already told him that we'll be out there in the summer for some good times. I am glad to see them go, I mean for their own sake, as it's a fresh start for them. Florida is a transitional place, not a place to live and grow up, at least in my book anyway. Tons of people actually seem to agree with me, as I can only think of Brad and Adam as the two people still left who are actually worth a damn. Everyone else has moved on. Hmmmmmmm. Nevertheless, it should be a fun weekend and I leave here on Thursday afternoon and head down. Sweet. :)

I joined match.com after getting an email stating that they have some special offer where it's 4 bucks a month. I figured, shit, 4 bucks, not bad. So I wasted 12 bucks and joined, but am going to try a little experiment. Sticking to my resolve of being 'on strike', I refuse to initiate contact with anyone, let them come to me, and let's see what happens. So far, three winks and two emails in a day and a half ain't bad. :) We'll see what happens but my guard is up bigtime.

Oh -- speaking of girls -- now I know I really haven't mentioned it much but I do communicate with a girl in Australia who I met through the naughty site. We have spoken only through email, both clean stuff and naughty, dirty fantasies (yum), but I guess I really haven't even counted her as someone with potential as she lives so far away. Anyway, I got such a wonderful email from her last night, and I am actually going to share it with you as it really touched me. I cannot tell you how good it made me feel, how it...... well, reinforced my faith and belief in myself and my values, and just made me feel I'm on the right path. Anyway, here is what she said (I gutted it because the email was long so I am only highlighting the important parts), and this is taken directly from the email:

"Forget you? I don't think I ever can, even if I had to! Even if I die one day, I'll come and look for you in heaven!!! I know it's so ridiculous because we don't exactly live across the road from each other .... I just think of you sooooo much. I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable opening up to anyone about who I am .... You are waking the inner child in me up!! I'm finding the real me again, someone I've lost years ago. You are so real, Eddie. You the most real person in my life .... I can even see myself one day sitting in my rocking chair, listening to Queen, thinking, I wonder what Eddie is thinking about now... I feel really sad, happy and angry. Happy that I meet you, you make my life rich!! Sad because we can't just be in silence together looking in each others eyes for hours connecting, and angry because it's so unfair...."

How fucking sweet is that? And what a pretty girl she is too, just adorable, tall, long curly brown hair and a beautiful smile. Reading that email was just a huge ego boost, and made me feel so good. What a sweetheart she is and I actually find it difficult to believe I can touch someone like that. That's bigtime shit. It gives me faith that one day I'll be able to touch another like that, and that she won't live halfway around the world either. See? I don't have to put up with any shit from anyone because me and my values and my naughtiness and the complete package of ME is quite appealing to some, some beautiful someones as that. Thanks Lisa, thanks so much, you've helped me more than you'll ever know. :)

I think that's about it. I see the Mouse today when I pick her up from ballet and I cannot wait. We'll hang out tomorrow but then I won't see her for a few days as I go to Tampa. But then I come back and we are off to head back home! Can't wait!

Remember: If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Deployed.

My brother in the National Guard is being deployed.

I guess he told my parents about a week ago, and when I was talking to my mom on Thanksgiving, she let it slip. I freaked out, freaked the fuck out.

His unit has been called and he will be stationed in Afghanistan, leaving in the middle of 2008. He will be a medic, and fuck man, I am scared. He will be there for one full year. One year! Christ.

I guess I am still kind of numb from the news. It's been on my mind quite a bit, and I can only imagine how my parents feel, compounding this with all the other shit that is going on. I talked to him on Thanksgiving and he seems OK with it, but really, who knows? I won't even see him for our visit in two weeks as he will be at some training. My God.

I really don't know what else to say about it.

----------------

Even with that news on my mind (and tons of other things), I still managed to have a pretty good Thanksgiving. I picked Julia up and I was just SO happy to see her. It's amazing how she can make bad things go away. Anyway, we went over to Tina and Gina's for a big feast, and it turned out great. The turkey turned out great and both Julia and I ate so much. Julia played with Gina in her room and Tina and I got to hang out quite a bit which was nice. I opened up to her about a lot of things, and wow, we have very deep conversations about our life experiences. I dig that. I really never had anyone in my life who I communicate so well with. We talk about EVERYTHING. In fact, her and Gina and I all went out to dinner last night, and Tina and I have plans to go out tonight, which should be cool. Dinner and drinks, I guess.

Good news: Tina's best friend and my former neighbor Ali from Seattle will be visiting for Christmas, albeit it briefly. Tina and I and Ali will all go out on Christmas night and it should be great. I miss that kid. Ali and I always had such a great connection, so much so in fact that her and I applied to be on the Amazing Race. I found out later that we were immediately disqualified from contention because we didn't know each other for the minimum three years. Oh well. My brother Matt and I would win that whole fucking thing, but that dream is dead now.

Yesterday was Christmas Tree Day here at the Silly House! Julia woke up and tore in here and was all excited about getting started! We ate breakfast, turned the heat on (kinda cold here) and we began! As I put the tree together, I gave her the responsibility of getting all the ornaments out of the boxes and lining them up and getting them ready. We had such a great time, talking, laughing, listening to Christmas music. We had a pizza picnic in front of the tree, she put all kinds of Christmas window clings on the windows, and she put most of the ornaments on the tree. We even turned off all the lights and took a short nap right by the tree with her curled up next to me. Good stuff :) It's going to be a great Christmas and I'll post a pic of our kickass tree soon.

I really think that's about it. Oh -- major props to ABC to putting back on the air one of my favorite shows, October Road. I watched it Thursday night and it's on Mondays. Great show about a guy who comes back to town after 10 years and finds things have drastically changed. He's still in love with his old girlfriend, the chemistry is still there, but times have changed. She has a son, and the main storyline is the question if he is the kid's father. Great GREAT show with excellent secondary characters as well, including Eddie .... I picked up my shirts yesterday and spoke to that pretty girl there who digs me bigtime :) Anyway, she is very nice, but very Christian, and I'm sorry, but that's not my cup of tea .... Sara has actually texted me a few times stating she misses me, but I just don't have the heart to text her back. I'm quite disappointed that she has those mental problems (see below) because we seemed to have been a very good fit. Like I said, been there, done that. Besides, I have a daughter to protect. I'd really like to email her and just tell her how I am feeling, wishing things would be different, but I digress. It's really no use. Oh well, such is life .... today I am going to go shopping a bit and see what is going on. I'm keeping my eye out for a few new shirts and a new digital camera as my point and shoot shit the bed and I have been lugging around my professional camera recently. Great pictures, but no fun ..... I leave for Tampa on Thursday for the big show and then the following Thursday for home. Should be great, it'll be nice to get out of here for a while. It will be nice to see my friends and especially my family, who I miss dearly .... my friend Brad's wife let him know that he is getting served divorce papers sometime very soon. Poor kid. What a worthless whore she is. She'll get hers ..... So far, Julia is getting a Cinderella table and chairs and a crib for her babies for Christmas .... damn did I have a weird dream last night. Participants included Guns N Roses, my childhood friend Tony, and a birthday party for a cat which was very uncomfortable. Bizarre .... I might come home and paint a window today. We'll see.

Have a good weekend everyone and remember: the stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most will never hurt you again.

On Strike!

I've literally just about had it with members of the opposite sex. Fucking had it.

And we'll get to all that in just a minute, but there are other, more pleasant things I'd like to talk about first.

Yesterday was Julia's Thanksgiving Day lunch at her school, and it was awesome. I left work here and arrived at her little school and she just lit up with such a big smile when she saw me. We had all kinds of turkey and potatoes and it was wonderful to sit with her at her desk and talk and eat. She showed me some pictures that she did and she was just so happy and proud that I was there and told me later that 'I love that you came today for the feast, daddy!'. Made my heart smile so wide. I picked her up after school and we got McDonalds and did some paintings which was great. I'll pick her up tomorrow around 4 for Thanksgiving and we are going to Tina and Gina's for dinner, and then Friday is Christmas Tree Day, which should be a blast.

Our weekend together was awesome too. The Children's Book Festival was fantastic as we were there all afternoon. It was nice and warm in the sun and there was all kinds of book readings, crafts, little shows, food, all sorts of things that of course Julia had to do every one. It was a great day and I guess she was worn out because the kid slept for like 13 hours that night, lol. Bless her heart, he had such a fun weekend there, and just doing stuff around the house. I even got her to help me with the laundry and clean up her room. What can I say? The kid just loves being around me and I love it. She latched onto my leg so hard on Sunday when it was time to take her back to her mom's. One day, one day.........

Probably the best news I have heard in some recent time is the recent discovery that was made by scientists in the stem-cell research department. As you all know, my brother suffers from MS, so any advancements here can only benefit. Well, it turns out that some scientists have discovered that they can now make ordinary skin cells act like embryonic stem cells, which is simply amazing (embryonic stem cells can turn themselves into any type of cell in the body, which allows for cell repair from the ground up). Sure, there are still some things to be worked out (the skin cells need to be genetically altered in their DNA which upps the risk for cancer), but the scientists believe that these can be worked out. Stem cell research is so very important, but it is such a hot-button issue due to the fact that they come from human embryos, which of course is a major redflag for pro-life people. Yes, the work is far off from providing medical payoffs, but at least the foundation is there. Scientists will continue to not only pursue this method, but the embryotic method as well. Hopefully, one day, all of this can lead to major cures for cancer, MS, Parks, all of those terrible debilitating diseases. Good job, science.

Kroger and Suntrust both felt my wrath yesterday. Fuck with my account, why don't ya? Then you get buried. Took me an hour yesterday and conversations with about 5 different people, but I got my money back. Not really interesting enough to get all into, but just wanted to make a point. No one fucks with me and gets away with it. Those days are longgggggggg gone.

Congrats to Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins for being named the Most Valuable Player in the National League yesterday! He most certainly deserved it, but I sure as hell didn't think he was going to get it. I was pleasantly surprised and he accepted the award with pure class. Spring training is only a few short months away. Speaking of sports, the Eagles play the Patriots this weekend and we are going to get trounced. Sure would love an upset though! And the Flyers get back into action tonight with a tough series of games which include Carolina, Washington, and Ottawa. Oh yeah, and thanks Penn State for ruining any chances you may have had the Outback Bowl on New Years Day with such a shitty performance against Michigan State this past weekend. However, the silver lining in the cloud is that they might end up in Orlando for the Champs Sports Bowl or whatever the hell it is called, and that game happens to be the night before the Flyers/Lightning game on Dec 29. PSU Bowl Game on Friday and Flyers/Bolts on Saturday? Hmmmmm...... sure would be a lot of fun!

I have been kicking so much ass at Jeopardy recently it hasn't even been funny. But man would I like to crosscheck Alex Trebek right across the face.

I'm going to smoke a cigarette, I'll be right back.

I am excited about my trip next week to Tampa for the Wrestling Reunion Show. Should be kickass. I don't think I am going to do anything physical, like ref or anything, I am just going to go to show/party and have a good time. I can definitely use it. I'm leaving Thursday and will spend the night at Brad's, then tear it up on Friday night in NPR with the crew, and then Saturday is the show. I really haven't spoken to TerriLynn in a while, and that's ok, it really is. And that is pretty much a perfect segway into my rant about women.

Seriosuly, I have just about had it. Between Sara from Connecticut and Lori here and TerriLynn and Angelina and even fuckin' Marilyn, I have just about had it with all the bullshit and drama. The thing I realized last week is that I don't have to put up with anyone's shit. I am so sick and tired of it, I really am. It's not worth it, it really isn't. Let's delve a little deeper, shall we?

I've been talking to Sara form Connecticut quite frequently and we actually had plans to meet face-to-face in December. Our conversations have been pretty good and also pretty hot as she likes to send me dirty pictures, which of course is right up my alley. We seem to be on the same page sexually and I have been very honest with her in terms of what I like and what I am into. I can tell she is a little unstable, but she does have a lot of positive attributes which I like, plus, she is kinky AND drop-dead gorgeous. Anyway, so last night, she texts me and tells me she is in the ER. I'm like what the fuck, did you fall down or something? She tells me that her therapist sent her there because she was afraid that she was going to hurt herself. Can you fucking believe that shit? I certainly can't. I don't know what happened, I really have no idea, and this girl was a little too clingy to begin with. The girl is in the hospital because her therapist was afraid she was going to hurt herself. God Almighty, man. So, that's that. I simply don't need to put up with anyone or anything like that, because I have gone through that before with Marilyn and it is simply no fun. I am not a fuckin' charity case here and my days of helping people who cannot or will not help themselves are all over. It never leads to anything good anyway.

Lori? Well, that is a good one. Out Thursday night with her and Melissa because she decides to tag along, although she wasn't invited. Fine. So, she proceeds to tell me that I look 'super-cute' tonight (which I did) and was putting me over huge and what a great dad I am and yadda yadda yadda. So, I ask her to go to the movies to see 'Dan, In Real Life', and she's like sure, that sounds great, I'd love to go with you. Sound good, right? Then, not a half hour later, she starts talking about her friend Scott. So out of the blue, I ask, is Scott your boyfriend? And she says 'Yes, yes he is, but I don't know how happy I am with him and yadda, yadda, yadda.' I couldn't fucking believe it. So, a few hours later and a few beers later, I walk right up to her and say "Ya know what, Lori, you suck. You accept a date with me and here you have a boyfriend? What's wrong with that picture? I'm not second best to anyone, because I have lived that life and it makes me miserable. If you'd like to go out with me sometime, great, I'd love to take you out, but make sure you are single first before accepting. Understand?" Well her jaw hit the floor but I really don't give a fuck. And I can tell this girl likes me, as she's always complimenting me and has all the little notes I leave for her all over her monitor at work. But, too bad. I DO NOT play second-fiddle to anyone because I did that for 4 fucking years with Marilyn and look where that got me. I am too good of a catch, too nice of a guy, too fucking hung, too good of a father, to put up with the slightest bit of bullshit from anyone. How dare anyone try to play me anymore, and let them try, because they will get a mouthful of truth thrown right back at them. Fuckin women and their stupid games. Go play somewhere else, because this boy doesn't play anymore. Put up, or shut up, or better yet, just go away.

All setup for a Friday lunchdate with Angelina, I email and call to confirm three times the previous day, and nothing. I didn't bother to show up and haven't been in contact with her since. Have some fucking respect and tell me if you are going to change plans (again), or that if you aren't interested. No fucking respect on these bitches, I swear to God.

The only two people worth a damn here that I know are Tina and the girl from the laundromat, who seems so nice and just adores me. Who knows, she could turn out to be a psycho. At least I know Tina is stable and on the up-and-up. She said some very nice things to me on Saturday night and put me over HUGE. HUGE. Hmmmmmm.

As you can see, I learned alot from my relationship with Marilyn. I learned that I don't have to settle, I don't have to put up with anything that doesn't fit within my character. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do, or be with someone who doesn't treat me with the respect I so deserve. If I don't want to be with someone who is in the ER because her therapist thinks they are going to kill themselves, I don't have to be. If I don't want to be with someone who accepts a date with me and then I come to find out that she has a boyfriend, then I don't have to be. If I don't want to be with someone who is 24 years old and lives 300 miles away, I don't have to be. If I don't want to be with someone who shoves coke up her nose, smokes dope everyday, drinks like a fish and acts like a whore and an attention slut, I don't have to be. If I don't want to be with a woman (and I use that term loosely) who is in such a rush to impress others who really don't matter that she doesn't care about the people who really do, then I don't have to be. I'm BETTER than all that shit, SO much better. I am sticking to my character and my values and what I believe in and what I want out of a potential partner. Plus, most importantly, I have a daughter to protect. If women don't live up to my standards and I couldn't find their character with a magnifying glass, then FUCK 'EM. I absolutely REFUSE to stoop down to someone's level, when it should be them trying to rise up and meet MY standards. I am so sick and tired of the bullshit, the runaround, the lies, everything. It's simply not worth it.

So, I quit. I am going 'ON STRIKE'. I am sick and tired of looking and finding, well, garbage. Perhaps I am jumping the gun a bit, but it's how I feel. I refuse to pursue, refuse to get involved anymore. And yeah, maybe it will only last a few weeks or whatever until I actually try to date again, but for right now, all bets are off. I am just sick and tired of the bullshit and the games! Jesus! Isn't ANYONE out there halfway normal? I am beginning to lose faith so I am taking a break from trying to hook up and find what I seek. I am going to shift my focus, and my focus is going to be on securing that additional web job, working on my stained glass stuff, and getting that website up and running. It's time to stop fucking around, and since I have eliminated that chase of a mate, then the focus will be easier to achieve. My morale has been boosted because I feel better about myself. I know who I am, I know what I want, and I don't have to settle or play games or get manipulated anymore. Those days are over, and truth be told, they should have been over a long time ago. Marilyn should have been dumped on her ass right after the Valentine's Day incident, and I should have never looked back. But, you live, you learn. Hey, it only cost me 4 years of my life and my family. Christ.

Remember: I don't give a fuck. That's simply what it boils down to.

Have a good day and happy Thanksgiving.

Feeling GREAT!

Good morning all! I hope you are all doing well! Just a quick update as I have a few things to do but i promise to be back soon to fill you in on ALL the stuff I have going on -- and there is plenty of it!

Briefly!

Me and the Mouse had such a great weekend as the Children's Book Festival was simply AMAZING! Julia makes me SO happy and we had so much fun this weekend! What a great kid! .... Sara from Connecticut and I are talking again after she actually apologized to me on Friday, We have been talking throughout the weekend (clean AND dirty ;) ), and there is ALOT more to this story that I'll have to tell! THIS, my friends, could be serious, serious trouble .... Good job Eagles! .... I am officially in the holiday spirit and am getting VERY excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas! It's going to be a GREAT Christmas this year! .... after a very weird Thursday night (and my reactions to this little incident), I made a pretty important self-discovery that has boosted my morale HUGE .... I feel great, confident, sexy, and dare I say, happy?! Goooooooooo ME! :)

Have a great day everyone and I'll be back later with a huge update! :)

Remember: I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past. :)

Roll Me Away.

I'm on a major Bob Seger kick and am getting back into him and how much I appreciate his beautiful lyrics and music. Sure, it's hard sometimes as Marilyn and I shared a love for his music, but he's just too damn good to ignore anymore because of that. Anyway, this is one of his most underrated hits, a beautiful song about a journey, a physical one, riding his bike along the countryside. I tend to think that there is more to this than just that, and I interpet it as a young man who has been hurt by soneone he loves, who is looking to put his life back together. He realizes that he is not alone, and he's at a point where it is up to him on what direction his life will take him, although he still looks back on the heartache and wonders if things could have turned out differently. In rereading that, it sounds pretty familiar. Enjoy this beautiful piece of music.



Took a look down a westbound road, right away I made my choice.
Headed out to my big two wheeler, I was tired of my own voice!
Took a bead on the northern plains, and just rolled that power on...

Twelve hours out of Machinaw City, stopped in a bar to have a brew.
Met a girl and we had a few drinks and I told her what I'd decided to do!
She looked out the window a long long moment, then she looked into my eyes.
She didn't have to say a thing, I knew what she was thinkin'....

Roll, roll me away won't you roll me away tonight?
I too am lost, I feel double crossed and I'm sick of what's wrong and what's right!
We never even said a word, we just walked out and got on that bike....
And we rolled....
And we rolled clean out of sight....

We rolled across the high plains, deep into the mountains,
Felt so good to me, finally feelin' free!
Somewhere along a high road, the air began to turn cold,
She said she missed her home....
I headed on alone.

Stood alone on a mountain top, starin' out at the Great Divide.
I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide!
Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise...
And pretty soon,
My heart was singin'!

Roll, roll away I'm gonna roll me away tonight!
Gotta keep rollin', gotta keep ridin', keep searchin' till I find what's right!
And as the sunset faded, I spoke to the faintest first starlight...
And I said next time...
Next time...
We'll get it right!
We'll get it right!
Roll, roll me away, won't you roll me away tonight?

No tolerance!

Well, after a brutal evening and shitty morning, I'm feeling MUCH better and am almost completely over begin sick (although I still have a cough and yucky throat). I've had a very busy morning as it is the last day of the quarter here, so there are lots of students running around scrambling doing last minute shit. But the afternoon has calmed down and so have I, lol, so let's see what's going on, ok?

Sara from Connecticut got dumped on her ass last night because she misrepresented herself and was very manipulative in doing so. Fuckkkkkkk did I let her have it. Too fucking bad too, because she was very cool (well, at least i thought she was) and VERY hot. But, the truth of the matter is that I simply don't put up with ANYONE'S shit anymore, I have absolutely ZERO tolerance for bullshit, drama, whatever. Buh-Bye. Done.

Flyers Rangers tonight! Yes! And although I won't be seeing the BIG Flyers / Rangers game tonight, I think I have a pretty good excuse. The lovely Mary will accompany me over to Zig's soiree' he is having at the Venus. Should be a fun night :) And lunch tomorrow with Angelina? Damn kid, you go! :)

My mom is SO funny. She calls me today to check up on me, and she is telling me that my brother Matt (the one who lives in Vermont) has a new girlfriend named 'Marilyn', same as my exgirl. Hopefully, this Marilyn will treat my brother better than my Marilyn treated me. Anyway, so funny she is, she goes "Eddie, I refuse to call her that. I call her Molly when I talk to him because that word (Marilyn) is not even allowed in this house!" I was like "Awwwww, mom, that's so sweet!" And she goes "Oh no, Eddie, that girl hurt you. And I don't like anyone who hurts my son." Thanks mom! :) So, Matt's new girlfriend, in my mom's eyes (and now mine, lol), is named Molly. Hysterical, bless her heart.

I look forward to getting out of here soon, going home and chowing down, taking a shower and getting all dolled up, picking up Mary, and off we go! :) I am SO excited for my weekend with the Mouse as I cannot wait to see her. Like I said before, the book fair on Saturday but the rest of the weekend is pretty much open. We shall see!

43 Things is a VERY cool website. Check it out.

Everybody? Listen to me! And return me, my ship!
I'm your captain, I'm your captain, although I'm feeling mighty sick!

I AM your fuckin' captain. I wear the 'C' baby! Enjoy this awesome and very rare performance of one of my favorite songs.

Battling, fighting and hanging in there......

Well, I'm feeling a bit better, but nowhere near 100%. I'm still pretty out there and my boss told me to go home if I feel like it, but I think I am going to stick it out. I've already done quite a bit today so the rest of the day should be a breeze. Besides, I'm a warrior.

Yesterday, well, lol, not a fun day. I barely had energy to do anything. I was even supposed to go see my psychologist and completely forgot and she called me. Oops. Although my energy level hasn't improved very much today, I'm hanging in there. Thanks for all the 'get better' wishes. It seems many more people read this blog than I thought. Oh, and Amy, YOU rock! ;)

Speaking of that, Lori is such a sweetheart. She emailed me and called me yesterday to check up on me to see how I was doing. She even offered to make me chicken soup! What a cutie she is and I hope to hang out with her sometime this weekend for the big Penn State game. Yeah, even if they win, it doesn't look like they are going to a Florida bowl game. :( I may just ditch that trip entirely, even though I have already taken the days off for it. Speaking of Florida, TerriLynn called me as well to make sure I was doing OK, although I really don't remember too much of what was said, lol. I still don't know if I am going to see her or not for the big Reunion show trip, which is only 2 weeks from tomorrow. Sure, it would be nice to have sex and all, but who knows.

I miss my kid. :( I absolutely hated calling my exwife yesterday to tell her I couldn't pick Julia up. There was just no way. I cannot wait to see my Mouse this weekend for a lot of fun at 'The Silly House'. There's a big children's book festival this weekend so that is our plan for Saturday. Maybe the book fair in the morning and the PSU game in the afternoon. Sounds good to me, but I better feel better!

My brother with MS is not doing very well. The job search has stalled a little bit and my mom is beginning to worry about him as far as mental makeup. He has been stating that 'maybe I'm never going to get a job' or 'who the hell is going to hire me?'. He is REALLY down on himself and that is just not good at all. My mom puts on a brave face to him but of course it is tearing her up inside. That's the fuckin SHITS right there, let me tell ya. I wish there was something I could do, as it weighs on my mind alot more than it should.

Let's see what else is going on ...... it's the last week of the quarter so it's been kinda busy around here at work, but nothing I can't handle ..... Angelina emailed me and never did get my email (thanks, technology), so all is forgiven and we are on for a Friday lunch date, which should be VERY interesting ..... The Philadelphia Flyers are unbeaten at home this year and are stomping mudholes everywhere they go ..... Sara from Connecticut is just downright gorgeous and incredibly sexy, and we have made some initial plans to meet when I go home in December, as Bristol is only a few short hours away. This girl's face is just downright angelic, I absolutely LOVE her look, and she is just a wonderful person, very classy and mature. But FUCK! Connecticut? Come on karma, where's the one like this from down the street? .... damn, I'm sweating my ass off in here .... I know this won't make any sense, but after thinking about it yesterday, goddamn, do I feel sorry for one Johnny Dugan (real name). I REALLY do. BUT - you should have grew a spine years ago, my friend. If we ever see each other again, I promise I won't rip your arms off and feed them to you, ok? You have been certainly been through enough, and are wayyyyy too good of a guy to have dealt with THAT for so many years. You deserve so much more, but then again, I cannot understand for the life of me why you didn't break it off sooner. Yeah, I loved her too, but Jesus Christ man, have some respect for yourself, because you'll never get it from her (and don't worry, neither did I) ..... the Veteran's Day parade here was kickass and I'm so glad I left work to do it (shhhhhhhhh!) .... I have seen so many lovely ladies in their gorgeous boots it has been sick! I should have asked Natalie for her phone number on Monday, now that I think about it. DOH! I haven't spoken to Cameron recently but I think I am going to set that photo shoot up for the Saturday after Thanksgiving. THAT will be a lot of fun. :)

I think that's about it. Remember everyone: There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. But make sure she has one first.

Sick.

Called off work today ...... barely have the energy to do anything .... won't see my daughter tonight .... pissed about that .... pretty much worthless today ..... sleeping on and off ...... think I might have got another side job building a website ..... worried about my parents and my brother ...... left work yesterday for a few hours and watched the parade, it was great ..... been talking to Sara from Connecticut and really really hitting it off ..... she is so gorgeous and sexy it is unreal ..... the girl from Australia likes to send me very dirty emails ..... head is spinning .... going to take a bath soon .... getting excited about the reunion show ..... exhausted.

E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!

Wow, I am sick as a dog today but nothing stops me from updating my blog! Hello to all of my internet friends!

Thank you, thank you, thank you Philadelphia Eagles. What a great and emotional victory yesterday by defeating the hated Washington Redskins. I went to watch the games with Tina and Gina, as they both kept an eye on the Steelers game. I had them put the Iggles on the bigscreen and my God what a game. And thanks Joe Gibbs, you fucking idiot, for going for two wayyy too early in the game. Stick to NASCAR, old man, the game has passed you by. I was so very happy for Andy Reid, Donovan McNabb, and well, myself. It was an emotional win, and it was a very important win for me on a personal level. Thank you Eagles, thank you very very much.

Yeah, I am sick. Bad head and chest cold, I got it from the Mouse. Oh well. I really wanted to call off today but alas, I did not.

Happy Veterans Day to all. This day always makes me think of my grandpa, and how much I miss him. Veterans Day was always very special to him as he served in two wars and even achieved a purple heart. How I wish that they could he and my grandma would have seen Julia grow up, they would be so proud. Julia is named after my grandmother, in fact. I'll tell you this -- they were dirt poor growing up -- DIRT POOR -- but that did not stop them from having such a wonderful and huge family, where it was all based around love and respect. It shows that money really doesn't buy happiness. Two wonderful people, grandma and grandpa, and I miss them dearly.

Today is the Veterans Day parade in Savannah. I just looked up the parade route, and I won't be able to see it from my office :( Damn, it's literally one street over. I really want to see it for some reason, so I think I might sneak out and go check some of it out during 'lunch'.

I miss my Julia and I cannot wait to see her today when I pick her up from ballet. I was so proud of her last week at Parent's Day! I'll only see her for a few minutes, but anytime I can see her is good with me. This weekend she will be hanging out at The Silly House and we are going to go to the children's book fair in Forsyth Park. I hope it is nice and warm and it will be a blast. I cannot wait to get a big hug from that precious child today.

I haven't heard from Angelina since Friday, so I am assuming that our plans have been cancelled for this evening, and that's really OK because I am sick as a dog anyway. Yeah, go out on a date and then start hacking and coughing real bad during it. Attractive.

I must say that joining the personals site has been fantastic so far. I've received a ton of emails and responses and have met some very lovely ladies. Problem is, lol, none of them are local so far. I met a beautiful -- and I mean BEAUTIFUL woman from Connecticut who I have been corresponding with, and I have been chatting it up with a woman from Australia and also the Philippines. Nice :) My profile on there is pretty brutal and straightforward, and so far, it's worked out pretty well. We shall see where it leads me but I must say it feels pretty good to hear that not only I am attractive and sexy, but my values and what I want out of life are appealing as well. Maybe we'll go into this further at a later date as some explanation is necessary.

TIna and I hung out last night -- alone -- and nothing materialized. I don't know, I just cannot get a good read on her. Sometimes I feel she's crazy into me, sometimes I feel that she isn't. I have to be VERY careful here as I seriously do not want to ruin this friendship by doing something stupid. I'm going to take my time and see what happens. We hang out a lot and had a lot of fun this weekend, so that is obviously a good sign. I told her I want to see her hair curled, as with that long blonde hair, I bet she would look AMAZING. She told me she used to have a perm "back in the 80s!" and promised to curl it for me for our Thanksgiving dinner. Nice! :)

Happy Veterans Day to you all and I hope you have a great day.

Remember: Let love be your greatest aim.

Remembering Pelle.

Today, November 11th, is the 22nd anniversary of the death of my hero, Pelle Lindbergh. Lindbergh was a Swedish goalie who played on the Flyers from 83-85, when I was a young teen and Flyers hockey consumed my life. I'll never forget the day he died; he got drunk and crashed his Porsche into a brick wall at a high rate of speed. They had to keep him on life support until his parents could arrive from Sweden to say their final goodbyes. Nobody could believe what was actually happening. It fucking CRUSHED me as a boy and I still think about it quite often. What a tremendous goalie he was, just brilliant. I fucking cried my eyes out that day, have tears in my eyes right now, and will raise a glass to him today when watching the Eagles game. Thanks for the memories, Pelle, but my God dude, you died wayyyyyyy too young. Rest in peace. :(

Two steps forward, one step back.

Ya know, I can sit here and write about only the positive experiences or thoughts going on in my life, but that really doesn't give a true indicator of what is going on, especially in my head, right? So here we go.

It's been a "Two steps forward, one step back" kinda weekend. And it's only Sunday morning.

I realize I'm still hurting from my broken heart, and although I am doing everything in my power to get over it, it's extremely difficult.

On the outside, I had a pretty good weekend so far. Tina and I hung out on Friday night and had a lot of fun, just talking and clowning around. Last night, I went out with my friend John and a few friends downtown to see a band and was out pretty late. I joined a famous 'adult' personals site over the weekend and the emails and responses to my profile and picture I have received already have been quite the ego boost. Angelina and I are meeting for dinner tomorrow night. I'm going to be taking some very sexy pictures soon with Cameron. All looks good, right?

Not really. I just feel really alone. I sat in that bar last night and realized that I really just don't know too many people here in this town. I felt out of place, which I was, hanging with a bunch of 25 year olds. Hmmmm. I kept thinking about Julia, and how much I miss her. I thought about Tina, wishing she was with me so we could have some fun. I thought about Marilyn, and the good times we had. Physically, on the outside, everything was fine. Inside, I was a total wreck.

Things are going good for me, they really are. I guess I just had one of those days/nights where I just couldn't pull it all together. It's a slow process, this healing, but I am getting there. I was so in love with Marilyn, so in love, and it's difficult to reprogram yourself differently. It's always a work-in-progress. I'm trying to be patient and let the chips fall where they may but damn, it's hard sometimes. I'm tired of being alone and want someone to share my life with. But, then again, I refuse to settle. Now that I think about it, refusing to settle probably means that I am protecting myself, so to speak, protecting my heart because goddamn, I sure don't want it broken again.

As far as Marilyn goes, I think I am doing pretty good. Sure I think about her and shit like that, but I've avoided all contact, and quickly bury any stupid thoughts of contacting her. It's only been a week, man, a week since we stopped talking. Sometimes I am tempted, tempted to visit her stupid MySpace, tempted to look at our old pictures, but I stay strong and just avoid it. I'm proud of myself for that, damn proud. It's OK to think about her because of course it is natural, but any -- ANY -- reminder (?) of her that I initiate is just hurting myself, and that I am fully aware of. So I stay strong and don't do it. Plus, I know that she isn't thinking about me, so that helps, as she's too busy with Wart and her drugs and her partying and all of her other excellent life decision making. I know it will get easier with time.

How quickly things change. I just got back from outside and talking with Tina, and her and Gina (her daughter) and I are going to watch the football games together today. Tina also hinted that she will be alone tonight as Gina is spending the night at a friend's house. Hmmmmmmm. Like I said, I desperately don't want to blow this, so I must play my cards carefully and really think about if I want to make a move at this particular time, and if so, how I should go about doing it. We shall see, that will be food for thought today.

Have a great day everyone. Go Eagles! :)

Happy Friday!

Good morning all and Happy Friday!

Julia spent the night last night and we just had a blast. What a good little girl she is. I picked her up from school, fed her (we had cheeseburgers), colored and worked on some letters, and took a long kickass bath. The water was so warm and I brought the laptop in there and we were jamming out to the Beatles, great fun. The Silly House was rockin' and I think she now knows the words to 'Ticket To Ride' :) She DID come to sleep with me about 3am, and I didn't get much sleep after that, but hey, that's life with a precious child. I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING. She woke up so pleasant, declared she was hungry and thirsty, and downstairs we went. I got her dressed, played a little bit, she ate all her cereal, and off to school we went. That kid loves me so much it is sick. And I love her right back. I'll miss her this weekend. "Daddy, I miss you when you're not around." :(

Let's see, what else is going on. Eric Lindros has his official press conference announcing his retirement yesterday. What a classy guy this is, he donated 5 million dollars to the London Ontario Health Services Foundation, for all the work they did for him (and on him) over the years. He teared up a bit which is to be expected from such an emotional player. I'll never forget when he won the MVP award in 95. He goes up to the podium and you can tell his eyes are tearing up, and he told the fans of Philadelphia to 'have faith, because we're gonna do it." I'll never forget it because I had tears in my eyes right along with him. Well, lol, we never did do it with Lindros at the helm, but my God, what an exciting player he was. He was probably the most fascinating player (in and out of the rink, with all the bullshit) in the last 25 years in Philadelphia. I wish him ALL the best and good health, because he'll always be one of my favorite players of all time, and I think, truly deep down, he is a very good person as well. Thanks for the memories Eric, you were one of the best!

Speaking of the Bums, kicked the shit out of the Penguins on Tuesday but played like complete dogshit in Jersey last night. Thank God this road trip is over. 3-5. Not too good. But hey, it's over. Pittsburgh and that bitch Cindy Crosby come to our house of pain on Saturday. Should be a good one. And yeah, uh, let's go Eagles, big game this weekend against the hated Redskins. Come on! Show me SOMEthing! Anything! Oh boy, I just thought about that bitch and her husband who I almost got into a fight with the last time. Well, that will be interesting!

I have heard rumors that Bob Seger is planning a 2008 tour. THAT will be a must-go-to, no questions asked. I'll fucking WALK to get there. Or maybe run, like Forrest did when they are playing "Against The Wind". Oooo, maybe I'll take him in in Detroit or LA! :)

Oh! Soooooo I met this fine young lady named Angelina :) 5'10", 34, blonde, voluptuous, just total yum! It really seems like she has her act together, cardiac care nurse. I THINK we're going to try to get together this weekend for lunch, nothing great, very casual. I already told her my weakness of tall (any) girls in kneehigh boots, so we shall see if she follows suit :)

And speaking of boots, I spoke with Cameron last night. I'll tell ya, THIS is going to be good. We spoke for about 15 minutes just bullshitting and talking about all different kinds of shit, her modeling gigs, what she likes, etc. Size 10 feet mind you, which is perfect! So, to make a long story short, her and I are going to hook up "next week" and this gal is going to come over and we'll have some fun with color :) I told her about all the stuff I have and she's ALL into it and wants to do it very soon, and for that I am STOKED! She's quite delicious, and I have been wanting to do this for a LONGGGGG time, so GO ME! :)

Weekend plans? I'm leaving everything totally open. Perhaps lunch with Angelina on Saturday, Tina mentioned something about hanging out tonight, perhaps I'll hook up with Lori and Mary for some Saturday night fun or for the Penn State game. My friend John and I might go see a band tomorrow night, who knows. Keeping everything open!

I wish a pleasant weekend to all of my internet friends! :) And yes, Amy, I returned your email! :)

Why can't we give love that one more chance? Why can't we give love? Cause love's such an old fashioned word and love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night and love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves. This is our last dance. This is our last dance. This is ourselves. Under pressure.

My poor Mouse!

Julia is sick. I didn't get to see her yesterday. :( I knew I was right; my ex-wife said the Mouse was real sick on Monday night and threw up in her bed, the poor kid. I did get to talk to her twice yesterday and wanted to go over there, but she fell back asleep. My exwife finally did text me this morning to state that Julia DID go to school today, so that makes me feel good. I don't know, I REALLY miss my Mouse today. I have realized that there is nothing -- NOTHING -- on this earth like being a parent.

Wow, I feel very weird today. Down quite a bit. I don't know why, but I have a sense of overwhelming guilt today.

Eric Lindros retires today. A woulda-coulda-shoulda kind of career he had. My god was this kid a beast when he first started playing, but damn, he could never learn to keep his head up. That, plus insane parents, ultimately led to his downfall. My god the excitement he would generate when he would step onto the ice. One of my favorite memories about Lindros is of course the 'Pants' game. The Flyers were playing the Rangers in the playoffs, and Lindros scores with about 8 seconds left in the game to lift the Flyers to victory. I'll never forget me and my brother going out of our minds, screaming and yelling. I called my friend John from the upstairs phone and looked down and realized that I had no pants on, just me boxers. My pants somehow came off during the celebration, lol, and I still don't know how it happened. Great memories. I met Lindros at a pregame skate in Tampa one year, and he was so very cool to me, signed a few things. I will always have a softspot in my heart for the Big E, and I wish him all the best and a prosperous and most importantly a healthy life away from the rink. Thanks Eric, thanks a lot. You were truly one of a kind.

Speaking of the Bums, they play the Pittsburgh Penguins tonight in what should be a doozy. They haven't been playing well recently, but hopefully they'll right the ship tonight and play a good game. Go Bums!

Tina and I got to talking yesterday about the Olympics. To make a long story short, we have decided to go to Vancouver in 2010. Who knows where our lives will be at that time, but with Amy living out there in Seattle, we have a place to stay. Tina and I get along so good it is sick. I'm going to kiss that girl soon.

I was reading the Philly Daily News today and they mentioned an Eagles game in which Westbrook took a punt return against the Giants all the way back for a TD in the closing seconds of the game. I remember the game like it was yesterday, and it was back in 2003. I can remember being at a party for Julia's baptism, and there I was texting Marilyn. Maybe that's where the guilt is coming from today, who knows. All I know is that the game was in 2003, and that me and Marilyn went on for four more years after that. My god. I really don't know what to think about that, I know it doesn't make me feel real good.

I spoke with TerriLynn on Monday night and she seems to be doing good. We really haven't talked much since I saw her in Tampa, but that's OK. She's a great kid, very hot, but like I said before, I really don't want to get into a relationship with her. She's not what I am looking for, in addition, she's 300 miles away. I've done the long-distance thing and it just doesn't work. She has her life, and I have mine. There's a lot of attraction there, but she just doesn't fit. Hot as balls she is, but I mean hey, come on, she's 24. She asked me about the reunion show and I just don't know about that yet. I'm going, no doubt, but maybe I'll see her, maybe I won't. I just don't know. I don't want to get sucked in, ya know?

I think I am going to paint a window today when I get home. I'm thinking of getting back into the stained glass deal for some side money. I'll post some pics on here of my work when I get a chance. Tina and I were walking through the neighboorhoods on Halloween and I marked out at all the money that could be made. I showed her the pictures of what i did at my old house and she couldn't believe it.

My model friend Cameron is getting a call tonight to set something up for THAT. :)

Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do.
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too.

John Mayer is fantastic. Enjoy.

Catching you up!

Well I know it's been a few days but hey, I got a lot going on, ok?! So let me bring you back up to speed!

Yesterday I went to my daughter Julia's Parents Observation Day at her ballet and tapdance school and to say it was great would be an understatement. I am so proud of that kid! She did SO good and just loves her daddy SO much! She kept looking over at me during class and she just thinks the world of me. My exwife and my exwife's mom were there as well, and Julia totally blew them off. It was ALL about being with daddy, looking at daddy, seeking daddy's approval! She truly is MY GIRL! Bless that little kid's heart, I love her so much! That kid's love makes me feel so good, like a high. An AMAZING feeling!

My finger hurts so damn bad as I got a staple stuck in it yesterday and I had to tear it out. Damn did it hurt!

Julia and I had such a great weekend together. Friday night we went to ToysRUs for the birthday presents, and afterwards went to the treehouse McDonalds :) Saturday morning we woke up and went to the Fair in the morning and just had a blast! We rode the Merry-Go-Round three times, and we even went on the Ladybug Little Kids Roller Coaster twice! She had a blast at the petting zoo, and just the whole day there was fantastic. Saturday afternoon I took her to her little friend's birthday party and she had a blast. She even won the Pin-The-Tail-On-The-Donkey game with a perfect -- and I mean PERFECT -- placement of the tail! I popped so hard for her! When we weren't out running around, the focus again was on letters and coloring. We played on Friday night and Saturday night for hours and hours, just her and I drawing letters and I was helping her with words as well. I would write a word, she would tell me the letters in the word, she would write the word herself, and then I would tell her what the word is. We must have did about twenty different words (dog, cat, fish, bird, daddy, mommy, gramma, princess, etc....) and I am just so proud of her. I taught her how to do the letter S and she was having trouble but eventually she got it and I just popped so hard for it. She looked at me with such pride and joy, it made my heart melt. That kid is my whole life, I love her with every ounce of being in my heart, mind, body and soul. :)

It is supposed to be COLD here tonight, like in the 30's, and tomorrow won't break 60! Yikes!

Halloween was so kickass it wasn't even funny. On Tuesday night, the night before Halloween, I picked up Julia from school and we both got dressed up in our costumes (she was a princess and I was the prince, complete with crown from Burger King). We went over to Tina and Gina's house and spent some time with them, and of course they fell all over her and how cute she was. Then, we went to Lori and Mary's house, and those girls were just so nice to her. Julia played with Lori's dog, Biggie, a little chihuahua, and just had so much fun. Everyone loves Julia, how can you not?

Halloween night was a different kind of fun. I met Tina up at the Truck or Treat, where I saw my ex-wife's cousin who stated I just missed Julia. Damn! Anyway, Tina and I took Gina and her little friend to Betz Creek walking around the houses in there. I had a great time with them and Tina and I just get along so damn good. We talked about a lot of different things and we seem to be on the same page. We're getting closer and closer and I think we both feel it. We're going to spend Thanksgiving together, and I was over there on Sunday afternoon/night for the football games. We're working on her computer together, sitting in the same chair, and I have my arm around her waist holding her close. Nice feeling :)

After we all came home on Halloween, it was time to meet up with Lori and Mary for some fun downtown and I was ready and excited! Quagmire came out again and I picked up the girls and to say they both looked hot and delicious would have been an understatement. Lori looked so fucking HOT in her outfit and silver boots, and Mary was such a hot flapper in her kinky fencenet stockings. We all went downtown and saw Bill's band and I fuckin partied my ass off. Bill's band is GREAT and I had so much fun, even talked to a few different girls as well. I THINK one of them called me (private number), but no message so I hope I didn't miss out. Ooooo that Sheila was a sexy cutie who I recognized from match. Hottie! What a great GREAT night it turned out to be and I had so much fun. We rolled in at 3 (!) and the next day was incredibly rough but hey it's all in good fun! Oh -- the hottie who is the lead singer for Bill's band is so hot, I cannot WAIT to meet that girl!

Hmmm ... what else? Oh -- my brother (the one with MS) scored a major coup in that he somehow, someway received ALL of the original medical records from the hospital where he was originally misdiagnosed in 2001. To say this is huge would be an understatement. He received them (and my mom said they are very upsetting) and has already given them to the attorney and the ball will roll from here. I worry about that kid ALOT but he seems to be doing good and is trying to get a job with GE up in NY. I spoke with him at length yesterday trying to get inside his head a bit but he is still defensive about his health. As long as he is home and doing good, then everything is OK. His latest round of tests showed no further progressive of the MS, which of course is fantastic.

OK, let's talk about this because I want to bury it once and for all. Marilyn and I are no longer speaking -- at all. I had a therapy session last week after I got back which turned out to be pretty damn intense. The therapist does this rapidfire questions, so to speak, and last time it focused on my brother and his sickness and what that did to me and my family. Well this time it turns out she wanted to focus on Marilyn and our relationship. To make a longgggg story short (as I really don't want to dwell on it), she asked me some questions about our past and what happened. Through the course of the questions, she asked what was the most hurtful thing she did to me. Immediately, I mentioned the abortion. See, what happened was is that two December's ago, Marilyn got pregnant. I was floored. What she also told me was that she fucked her husband the week before she fucked me, oh and also that she rolled (took X) three days before she knew she was pregnant. I'll wait to you all reread that sentence again, while I sit here and wonder why I actually cared about someone who would do something so HURTFUL. I started to tell this to the therapist and all of a sudden I am screaming in her room and crying. She told me it was OK to be angry and to let it all out, which I did. I buried that deep in my mind and it was hard bringing that back up but felt good to get it out. I was pissed off and told the therapist about that, the night she took a kitchen knife and locked herself in the bathroom and threatened to kill herself, the terrible fights that we used to have, all that shit. I told her about the way she treated her husband by having numerous affairs behind his back, all the drugs over the years, everything.

The therapist told me a few things. That obviously she has hurt me in so many different ways, yet I continue to communicate and/or care for this person. She told me that she thinks that I think that Marilyn is not a good person, and I agreed. I don't think she is a good person at all. I told her that she has the potential to be such a wonderful person, but it seems that the people who are closest to her she always treats like complete shit. I told her about her boyfriend now, and she kinda pegged it. She told me that Marilyn is the type of person that will pick out someone with low self-esteem, and use that to benefit her. I couldn't agree more. She'll never have true respect from others or in a relationship because alot of girls think she's a whore, and well, lol, to be honest, alot of guys think she is easy so they will give her that attention. She'll have her 'boyfriend', but then continue to act like a whore to get the attention of others, while her boyfriend sits there with his dick in his hand, his self-esteem slowly diminishing. She treated her husband like complete shit, me even worse (as she caught me at a perfect time in my marriage when my self-esteem was at the bottom), and I am sure she will break the heart of Paul. She got a marriage out of her husband, she got a big fat cock and lots of orgasms out of me, and she gets gifts and attention from Paul. The therapist told me that nothing will make her change her ways, she'll always be that shallow. She told me that being with her -- and communicating with her -- lowers my self-respect and self-esteem, and that I shouldn't stand for it anymore. So I didn't. I emailed Marilyn lightly which turned into a fullblown argument after me stating that I think she has a substance abuse problem (which she does, it's plain as day. This girl was a coke addict for a while back a few years ago before I met her, and I am sure after what I found she is doing it again. That's not to mention ALL the weed and alcohol she pours into her body. Close to 32 years old, mind you. 32. And this woman wants to be a mom? My god.). So the argument escalates and I call her out for killing our baby under the most bizarre and crazy circumstances. Well that set her off, and that was that. I told her that I hated her, for what she did to me, to us, and to that poor baby. And that was that. My days of caring about, talking to, worrying about Marilyn are ALL over. It felt good to tell her that I hate her. And ya know what? I feel the difference already. She doesn't deserve someone like me. Hell, she didn't deserve someone like her husband. She really didn't. I feel sorry for that dude, I really do. And I feel sorry for Paul. She is going to crush this kid's poor heart. And that's all she does. She breaks hearts because she can't look past her own nose. What a selfish, shallow person. Just think Marilyn, the two people who loved you the most in this entire world now pretty much hate your guts for all the terrible things you did to them. I loved you so so so much, Marilyn, so so much. We had such promise, such a wonderful life ahead of us. But you could never give your heart to one, as you just don't know how. You broke my heart so bad, and I deserve so much more. You never even said you were sorry. Goodbye, Marilyn.

Felt good to write all that. Yeah, the fuckin therapy session was intense, it really was. I still can't believe I was screaming and ranting like a lunatic there. But, obviously, much good came out of it. I needed to bury that with Marilyn and am glad I did. I think I covered just about everything major. OH! One more thing! Let's just say that I might have TWO young ladies interested in ... posing in front of the camera! Uh, I know you all don't know too much about that, but let's just say it would be very interesting and a lot of fun! Perhaps one day I'll fill you all in. But for now, I ask that you all stay healthy and be careful out there! Stay warm!

And remember: The bravest thing that men do is love women. :)

ALL about my trip to Tampa! :)

Well looks who's back! I know, I know, it's been a while but I've been crazy busy and kinda did this post in spurts. I felt I needed to take a break from it for a few days after well, you'll see. Writing about it brings the entire ordeal to the forefront of my mind, but then again, it is also very cleansing as well. I think you know - or you'll see -- what I mean. Enjoy. Oh - and it's LONGGG. The post. And yes, that too. :)

I'm BACK baby!

Let's just dive right in, shall we? This is gonna be a long fucking post. :)

The trip down Thursday afternoon was a BITCH. It rained, heavy at times, pretty much the entire time. Tired and relived, I rolled into Brad’s house about 7 and was happy to arrive and get out of the fucking car. He is doing better but shit is getting crazy with his divorce as his 'wife' is heading down to pick up her shit this Friday. Poor kid man, he is going through a lot. He is getting ready to sell the house too. He needs to divorce that bitch, wow. He told me he'll end up in Tampa, and see his kid as much as he can. More on this later.

I rolled out of the Brad’s about 10 and headed for Tampa. Going down the Veterans Expressway, I decided for some reason to take the Waters exit and head down to where Sarah and I used to live. It was beautiful out and had the windows down and just went slow and remembered a lot of things. I passed the little apartment there on Sheldon I had after I divorced, and thought about Marilyn and I and how our relationship has changed so much. I rolled down CountryWay and passed a little school and wondered if Julia would have went there. I drove by the old house and literally put the car in park and just looked around. The house didn't look very good, to be honest, but they kept my stained glass that I made up so that was cool. The houses on both sides of my old house were for sale. I saw myself planting those bushes, cutting that grass. It really was a weird experience. I thought alot staring at that house, wondering what it would have been like if I stayed. Sure, I would have been miserable, but geez, sometimes I think it might have been worth it just to be with the kid. Living in a beautiful house. Although, of course, I would have ended up divorcing when Julia was 8 and have it ruin her than do it when she was a baby and never knowing the difference. BIG difference. Anyway, I'm glad I saw the old house and went through the neighboorhood. It really wasn't that long ago, but it sure seemed like a lifetime.

So I headed downtown and picked up Marilyn for lunch. She looked great, and of course did the skirt/hose/boots gimmick :) I looked pretty fine myself if I do say so and we decided on Chipolte's for lunch. We chitchatted and I kissed her - yeah, so? - really didn't get one in response well, sorta, it just wasn't that same hot kiss between her and I. Or maybe she completely didn't expect it. Her kiss was quite tentative.l So we had lunch and just bullshitting and she slips in how she went to Philly with Paul. I'm like seriously? And of course her response was 'well, I thought you knew!'. No, I didn't, Jesus. Whatever. Anyway, she gave me the key and we were getting along great and just kinda looking at each other, and Christ, I swear, I could feel the electricity, all those old emotions, that chemistry have, come back. No mentions of her 'boyfriend', TerriLynn, and she just doesn't know about Lori and Tina, so the topics were light and just catching up. So after lunch I dropped her off and she didn't wanna go back to work, being all pouty and cute, wanting to hang out with me. But, she gave me the key to her place, and I headed down to get settled, walk her dog Bella (who fucking loves me), take a shower, and get ready for the game.

So I walk in and take a walk around, and immediately get a sense of what is going on. She has all her roses that this douche has given her, in her room, in the living room, even in the drapes holder. There's a saxaphone under the table. I'm like, oh Christ, here we go. So I take the dog out and come back and can feel my stomach getting tight already. Allright, time to calm down. So I go on her machine and answer some email and find directions for tomorrow and shit and finish up, but before I close the computer down, I thought about her iPhoto and sure enough, I launched it. I wanna see this dude, I wanna see what this girl has been up to.

Welllllllllllll. Of course it is just filled with pictures of her partying and drinking and just being ... well, an attention slut. Great pics she can show her kids someday. So I guess I started at the bottom and thought at first that this one guy she was hanging on was the one, but really couldn't tell. So I keep scrolling up and sure enough pics from Philly when she went there with him -- to his parents house mind you -- and I couldn't believe my eyes. This fuckin dude is a CRETIN. A heinous individual, let me tell ya! He has these two big fuckin ... goiters? warts? on the side of his face by his eye and just a big zit here and there and my immediately reaction was NO FUCKING WAY. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I just couldnt' believe it, how well, disgusting this guy looked and here she was with him. How could she be with this guy? Kiss this guy? EWWWW!!! Fuck this guy?!! EWWWWW!!!!! SO GROSS! I mean what goes through her mind when she kisses this guy and tries to grab his face and there's the goiters?! Then there's pictures of her kissing him and sitting on his lap, and then a good one, a pic of her wearing this shirt that says "I'm fucking the drummer". And your PROUD of that statement?! LOL! I actually screamed and laughed so hard I scared the poor dog and she started yelling. It literally knocked my socks off as I couldn't believe it, but another piece of the puzzle falls into place. Oh this was GOLDEN and I'm gonna milk this one!

Seeing the pics made me feel so much better and I laughed so fucking hard that it wore me out and I actually laid down at that point and took a nap! LOL!

So I get ready for the game and take the dog out again and off I go to pick her up from work. She texts me to bring a joint, shocking, huh? Can she do anything without smoking weed or having a drink? I didn't think so either. Anyway, so I pick her up and of course in the back of my mind is Wart already and just how fucking funny I find the whole ordeal. I'm waiting for her in the parking lot and all of a sudden, crazy timing of course, TerriLynn texts me. She tells me to have a good time at the game and to be careful and that she hopes to see me tomorrow. So we're texting back and forth and shit and out comes Marilyn. Whoops. She caught me smiling as I was texting and I think it pissed her off a bit but oh well.

I'm in a great mood as we are heading to the game and we're chitchatting and she's pulling on that joint like I wish she would have sucked my cock. But alas, drugs before dick! Anyway, we park and go for drinks and we're having a great time. She looked great and it was the first time I ever seen her drink a beer because well, now, she drinks it. She's talking about being so horny and how she gets off, as she says, ten times a week. So I say, yeah, 'two minutes a time', which she agreed which I popped for. So great, maybe some good wild sex tonight with her, (and it also confirmed the fact that Wart isn't making her cum). So we're chatting and being playful and talking about old times and the chemistry is there. She's gabbing about going out somewhere or whatever and mentions about her getting 'really high' with Cindy the other day, and then quickly mentions how she doesn't want to be the type of mom Cindy is, as she smokes while the kid are there (or who knows, perhaps in front of her, which wouldn't surprise me. Ya know, like Marilyn's other friend Caren. Nice parents we all have here, don't we? Great role models.). We take a few pictures, which really turned out great what a shame, and walk over to the game.

Throughout the game we're more touchy feely and just into each other. I was having such a great time, and I thik she was too. So we got out for a smoke in between games and the playful games continue. Having fun, laughing, kissing a bit, touching, good stuff. Now for some reason she keeps touching my nipples, even going so far as to run her hands up my shirt a few times. Now she know that turns me on huge, but then I got the impression from her actions and even what was said that it seems perhaps ol Wart might have himself a set of man boobs. Ya know, bitch tits! I remembering thinking that in the moment and had to bury that one as well as although she was burying TerriLynn BAD, I kept everything inside and took the high road, instead of coming out and saying that her boyfriend has two clits on his face and a pair of bitch tits. Wow, lol, that just cracked me up writing that! Although I must admit, lol, that I did slip in the word 'cretin' and of course talked about Alexis and her fucking huge mole/wart, and I did it on purpose. Yeah, it was evident right on her face! Yeah! She wasn't very responsive, teehee, and quickly changed the subject. :)

Then during one smoke, and the conversation leading that way, I looked her dead in the eye and told her that she'll never find another that loved her more than I did, who will fuck her better than I will, or that she can find another that would be a better father than I am (yes!). And she just kinda looked at me. She proceeds to tell me that she things I'll never find anyone that is 'willing to do the things I do in the bedroom'. Seriously, I didn't know whether to laugh or vomit.

She tells me that all she knows is that she wants to be happy, doesn't want to be poor, and to be a mom. OK, sounds good. But then, and I swear to you not 5 minutes later, she tells me about her doing mushrooms last week and sitting on the curb being all into herself for an hour. I'm like WHAT? Mushrooms? Damn!, This girl is gonna be 32 years old? Isn't that something you do when you're 22? WOW this girl parties WAY too much. So from mom to mushrooms in less than 5 minutes. I couldn't believe it. THEN, to top it off (as if it needed one), we're walking back in and see this couple in the Bums jerseys and we give each other words of encouragement. Then she goes, as we we're leaving, something to the effect of 'yeah, and I give great head too!' I happen to look at the girl first who is just agast and what she just heard, her mouth was literally wideopen, while the dude was just like 'oh yeah man, good for you!'. I looked at back at Marilyn who was walking back in - leaving the 'scene' so to speak - and it just kinda stopped me for a sec. Like, what a slut. It was just a huge turnoff. The look on the girl's face was just pure disgust at her, like you fucking whore. Plus, the honest truth is, she doesn't give great head, and it was never very often to begin with anyway. She just likes to get it over quick, ya know, like how she masturbates. Cum and done. Wow. How erotic. Or maybe she likes the little dickies like on her boyfriend Wart. She can't handle a real cock. Anyway, in like 10 minutes, she blew me away like three different times which her words and actions. Unreal.

Anyyyyyyway, back inside to the game where the Flyers lost. I blew off the stupid/slutty comment outside and just having a great time. I want to pound this girl tonight for more reasons than one. We're getting pretty buzzed and we end up making out near the bathrooms where the ushers had to come over to us and tell us to stop because they thought we were fighting :) Yeah, that's GOLDEN baby! So after the game we take off and go and eat and head back to her place, and I have it all mapped out in my mind about what I want to do to this girl and how I'm going to get there to do it.

We walk in and she heads right for the bathroom. She's peeing or whatever and I'm ready to tell her to get her ass ready to get fucked. I get the dog and say "I'm going to take Bella for a walk" and before I can even get "and when I come back we're gonna fuck and I want you to be ready so do what you need to do" she blurts out "and I'm going to lay down in bed!" Jesus Christ, here we go. So I take the dumb dog outside and come back not 7 minutes later and sure enough, she's all curled in bed, half-asleep already, wearing pajamas or whatever. All that talk about being horny, all that teasing, was just bullshit. So I don't say a word and just lay in bed there with her. She looks over and goes 'wake me with lickings later', and then rolls over and goes to sleep. Perfect, just perfect. Some night of sex this is gonna be. I was boiling at this point, just boiling inside, My god. So, regardless, four hours later or whatever, I get up to pee and then debate in my head whether I should try and fuck her. So I start to go down on her and she wakes up and is all moaning and everything and I get ready to slide my big cock inside of her. She looks at me and goes "I can't." You can't? What? After you ran your fucking mouth all night about getting fucked? After I took you to the game and we had a hot time and we were all over each other all night? I took it in stride and just layed there as the bump on a log fell back asleep. To say I had a rough night would be an understatement, as I started to wig out and just felt VERY uncomfortable there. I couldn't believe that she blew me off like that. I went to the couch for a few mins but no way there, and I actually thought about leaving. But as I layed there in that bed, my mind thought about this whole stupid night, and just what kind of girl she is. It was all talk from Marilyn, just the same ol same ol. It was all about attention. It was all about trying to put herself over sexually (with myself and others), and again failing to deliver. I thought this is what my life would be like if I was with this girl. We would get drunk and party, she'd flirt with all the guys, make an ass out of herself all night long and tell everyone how great she is sexually, and then go home and crash while I'm stuck there disrespected and with my dick in my hand. Or don't go out and smoke weed all night and her pass out and then I'm still stuck with my dick in my hand. Or even worse, make a slut out of herself up here. Can you imagine her pulling something like that at a party here like say at Zeb's? or Conner’s? Christ I would kill her. Jesus, fuck all that. I was just so .......... annoyed (?) and disgusted with the whole ordeal. Typical Marilyn. Says one thing, does another. It really hit me how immature and just gross and manipulative it all really was, how it's all just a show, how it's all just a game to her, how much this girl parties, and just how this is a person that I just don't want to be with.

I slept for like 2 hours if that and she got up and went to work. By this point, after the epiphany I had about 4:00am laying there, I'm pretty much just done. I head over to Tampa to see Dale and catch up with those guys. She texts me about lunch. Sorry babe, I don't think so.

I find Dale's place and it was good to see him. It was just him and Gary who was a cool dude and we talked for quite a while and the company, all the shit about our old company and what Dale is doing to them after the fucked him over real bad. The Gary mentions the lawsuit they are trying to bring against them for back pay, and after he explained it to me, it made so much sense. Typical F*rc*unt, trying to screw people out of money. Christ, hasn't ANYONE around here changed? I told Dale to go after them fuckers. Then Dave shows up, the silent owner who I have never met, and what a cool fucker this guy is. Then, he goes look at this, and he is wearing a braclet for the 2007 World Series of Poker! I almost shit! So he tells me all about the tournament ($2500.00 shootout event) and how he was at the final table with Daniel Negreanu and Erick Lundrgen. Couldn't believe it! I told him that I was sincerely happy for him and what an incredible experience. I got to take a few pics with the braclet and just thought it was the coolest fucking thing. What a kickass guy Dave is.

After I finally get out of there it's back to Marilyn's work to drop off her key. We have a smoke and she notices something is wrong, as it's pretty obvious. So, I finally let her onto my little secret about seeing her iPhoto library. I could have went on and on and on about last night, about how weird it was, and I how I really didn't understand her or her actions. But nah, fuck it, I thought the better of it, as I guess I just really didn't even care and was just kinda disgusted with the entire ordeal. The entire ordeal just made me feel all yukcy and gross. I gave her the key and off I went to the hotel to check in and crash before the Halooween party.

I was just so fucking spent there. From not sleeping, the previous night's bullshit, just tired. So I crashed hard for an hour and then Brad showed up and we got all ready for the party. Went to the RaceTrac right by the hotel and there was this family of Pakistanians living in the hotel. Weird! They had like 9 or 10 rooms, a whole slew of them, and there were a lot of little kids outside. Yeah it was nuts.

We took a cab there and the party was on! Roy and Mickey and Ric were already there and halftrashed so it was time to get this party started! Quagmire was a big hit and I just had a great time. Brad actually shit his pants. Yes, reread that sentence again if you need to. We were out by the bathroom there and ol boy squats down and just has a look of horror on his face. He actually shit his pants and shit his pants so bad that the scrubs he was wearing (he was Doctor Love), actually had a big shitstain on them. I was fuckin ROLLIN! Hysterical shit, I couldn't believe it. Overall I had such a good time, drank some really good Vodka and killer punch, and there were some hotties in some nice costumes there :) Brittany was VERY flirtacious to me (and her husband I think caught her one time chatting me up, I learned my lesson, no more married bitches!). I think she knew I was naughty and into kinky shit and I don't think that she gets that from ol boy. Well if she doesn't know I am kinky, she sure does now. I even spanked Leah's ass a bunch of times and talked naughty with her as she is a bad girl. She knows I spank the best, she fucking loves it, and I KNOW that girl rubs her pussy to me when she is getting off - because she told me. But, ugh, just not attractive, ya know? She'd be a LOT of fun in the sack and I could do some really bad things to her, but ehhhhhhhhhhh I just don't think so. Me, Brad, Adam and Leah went back to the hotel and hung out and partied and I bent Leah over the guardrail and spanked her ass a few more times, then went to bed as they had to leave. Great GREAT party and of course the highlight which will be remembered for years in Brad shitting his pants. The fuckin stain was like the size of a dollar bill man, lol, he had to take off his underwear and pull up his pants all the way up so the shitstain was hidden. Fuckin a ting a beauty man!!!! LOL!

Saturday I woke up and didn't feel too bad and was kinda raring to go. I made plans to hang out with the boys up in NPR and spend the night up there, as I really had nowhere to go, and sure as hell wasn't going back to Marilyn's, so off to NPR for some fun. I headed over the bridge and picked up money from Dale, and while he didn't give me enough, I know he is just starting and I'll get it down the road. I told Tyler that I'll be back down in a month and I just know he is going to have the place rockin and rollin in such a short time. I can tell he is worried, but he's come a long way so far already.

I called Marilyn and she was done with her hair appointment and her husband, lol, so I went over there. It was obvious things were very different from what they were just a few short hours ago. OH! And I now remember why! Before I left her house on ........... Friday afternoon I think, I left a bunch of little notes around the house for her to see like in places she would find them. Like I brought inside her boots and top and wrote a note that said something like 'remember how good i used to fuck you in these boots?' and then another one in her sex toy drawer that said 'you should be fucking me instead of your toys' or some shit like that. A few of them were stiff, like 'you fool' and 'i hope to see you all grown upone day'. Oh, here's one -- so I go to drop one in her vanity drawer and I drop the note in, something like 'when your actions match the words that come out of your mouth, be sure to let me know'. So I drop it in a there's a rolled up dollarbill right there in the drawer. And maybe it wasn't, but my mind immediately thought of coke. Maybe it was the straw (?) that her and Wart used the first time they did coke. Or maybe she did a bump or two right there while I slept. Who knows, who cares. So I wrote another note to tell her to keep on partying and do more and more! Fun! Marilyn Fun! Party! Fun! Coke! Tease! Fun! And then come home and NOT fuck! LOL! Actually, to be honest, the only time the girl was ever worth a damn in bed was when she was coked up. I fucked her real well a few times with her like that. What a shame she needed coke to fuck instead of just laying there being stoned. THAT is a crying shame right there.

Christ I really don't feel like writing about her or thinking about that anymore. We went for pizza but things were obviously very cold. When I got there she just wanted to nap and get food in, but I wanted to go out. I didn't feel comfortable there at all and I sure wasn't going to lay in bed with her. Maybe she would have tried to make it up to me from the previous night by laying there and letting me fuck her, but at that point, no thanks. I was just turned off by the entire ordeal. So after pizza we sat on her couch and I said some shit, she hardly said anything at all, per usual. I told her again about being in love with her potential and that I hope she could be a mom someday. Just not with me, as I don't want someone who parties like she does. We kissed pretty much goodbye, and the last thing I said to her was 'Your loss.'

I had a lot on my mind as I headed up to Roy and Ric's in NPR like I said I would. Time to forget about this crap.

We all hung out and Mickey and Rob came by and the shit-the-pants Brad soon after. My mood was improving as I thought about the upcoming festivites of the evening :) I called TerriLynn (lol, yes, I called her) and told her we will be going to the place her and I met and of course all my friends are coming with me. I told her to get all her friends, wear something sexy, and meet us at the bar. It's on.

I looked fuckin tremendous and was ready to have some fun. After having a few beforehand we all piled in Rob's car and headed off and as soon as we walked in I knew it was going to be a blast. Live band (who was playing The Who when I walked in) and lots of people, I was actually kinda surprised. So we hang by the bar and in walks TerriLynn with all her hot little friends. Damn, my jaw must have hit the floor. Red dress, black shiny boots, black choker, red red shiny lipstick, and that hair, jesus, long, black and curly. She looked fantastic and I told her so after the initial hug and little lip kiss :) I had so much fun with everyone, especially her, as we just had great conversations. I fuckin cut some tremendous rugs as the band was kick ass and we all rocked out! I looked great and felt confident and I guess it was showing. She really didn't leave my side all night, which I didn't mind one bit, seemed genuinally happy that I called and I arrived, and just seemed happy to be with me. Thinking about it, damn, ya know? It felt really good, I felt wanted. I don't know, there's more to that thought there, but I just don't have my finger on it yet.

I fucked her. I fucked her so hard and all over Roy's guest room. I plowed that poor girl over and over and it was great. She rode me - WELL -- and was just loving it the entire time. She was very hot in the sack and got really into it which I just love. Felt good to fuck and fuck well I can tell you that :)

Christ there's alot more to tell but I am getting tired and I have much more to tell.

We all went out to breakfast the next morning as it was Sunday and time for me to leave. We really didn't talk much about our relationship and to be honest, I really didn't want to. She's 24, I'm 35. It's written on the wall right there. But, even though we ARE different, she seems to be genuinally interested in my life and what I do. Like being a parent. She's not one, but then again, she is mature enough to realize that she does want one down the road when the time is right. Again, she's 24, she is supposed to be partying right now and living with her girlfriends. She actually comprehends that and understands. Like I said, again, it's very weird.

Oh! So as we are sitting there for breakfast I get a text from Marilyn asking me if I put something on her computer! POP! It actually made me laugh out loud right there. I simply replied "LOL! No dear".

TerriLynn and I said goodbye and I think she didn't want for me to go. Perhaps her and her friends may get an invite to the IPW Reunion Show, but I'll clear that with the boys first before asking them, which, lol, I am sure they won't mind. A few of them had some fun that night too, right, Rod? ;)

The ride home was a long one. Again, a lot on my mind. I kept aware of the Eagles game thru the radio on the way home (they won), and was presented with a gift as I listened to the Patriots/Redskins game on the way home, which was just BRILLIANT as the Pats killed those bastards, 52-0. I was popping so hard for the TDs and shit and thought about Marilyn. It was great. :)

Like I said, a lot on my mind. I know there is things I forgot in here but too bad. I kinda want to put this behind me, and that's what I told the therapist on Tuesday (as you'll learn when I post about that, which is kinda key). I thought about how different the treatment of TerriLynn was from Marilyn. I compared the two in my mind, going down the list. How I felt. What I liked about each of them. What I didn't like about each of them. How they made ME feel. It's ALL part of determining my ideal mate. And that's kinda what it is really all about. It was a very enlightening experience.

I'll be back soon to yap about Halloween (!), my session with the therapist (which was so intense I cant even describe it), my brother with MS (good news!), and whatever else I can think of. The Mouse arrives tomorrow for a weekend of fun and I cannot wait. Sorry it took me so long but hey, life is busy.

Remember: Love. It's a motherfucker, huh?