Well looks who's back! I know, I know, it's been a while but I've been crazy busy and kinda did this post in spurts. I felt I needed to take a break from it for a few days after well, you'll see. Writing about it brings the entire ordeal to the forefront of my mind, but then again, it is also very cleansing as well. I think you know - or you'll see -- what I mean. Enjoy. Oh - and it's LONGGG. The post. And yes, that too. :)
I'm BACK baby!
Let's just dive right in, shall we? This is gonna be a long fucking post. :)
The trip down Thursday afternoon was a BITCH. It rained, heavy at times, pretty much the entire time. Tired and relived, I rolled into Brad’s house about 7 and was happy to arrive and get out of the fucking car. He is doing better but shit is getting crazy with his divorce as his 'wife' is heading down to pick up her shit this Friday. Poor kid man, he is going through a lot. He is getting ready to sell the house too. He needs to divorce that bitch, wow. He told me he'll end up in Tampa, and see his kid as much as he can. More on this later.
I rolled out of the Brad’s about 10 and headed for Tampa. Going down the Veterans Expressway, I decided for some reason to take the Waters exit and head down to where Sarah and I used to live. It was beautiful out and had the windows down and just went slow and remembered a lot of things. I passed the little apartment there on Sheldon I had after I divorced, and thought about Marilyn and I and how our relationship has changed so much. I rolled down CountryWay and passed a little school and wondered if Julia would have went there. I drove by the old house and literally put the car in park and just looked around. The house didn't look very good, to be honest, but they kept my stained glass that I made up so that was cool. The houses on both sides of my old house were for sale. I saw myself planting those bushes, cutting that grass. It really was a weird experience. I thought alot staring at that house, wondering what it would have been like if I stayed. Sure, I would have been miserable, but geez, sometimes I think it might have been worth it just to be with the kid. Living in a beautiful house. Although, of course, I would have ended up divorcing when Julia was 8 and have it ruin her than do it when she was a baby and never knowing the difference. BIG difference. Anyway, I'm glad I saw the old house and went through the neighboorhood. It really wasn't that long ago, but it sure seemed like a lifetime.
So I headed downtown and picked up Marilyn for lunch. She looked great, and of course did the skirt/hose/boots gimmick :) I looked pretty fine myself if I do say so and we decided on Chipolte's for lunch. We chitchatted and I kissed her - yeah, so? - really didn't get one in response well, sorta, it just wasn't that same hot kiss between her and I. Or maybe she completely didn't expect it. Her kiss was quite tentative.l So we had lunch and just bullshitting and she slips in how she went to Philly with Paul. I'm like seriously? And of course her response was 'well, I thought you knew!'. No, I didn't, Jesus. Whatever. Anyway, she gave me the key and we were getting along great and just kinda looking at each other, and Christ, I swear, I could feel the electricity, all those old emotions, that chemistry have, come back. No mentions of her 'boyfriend', TerriLynn, and she just doesn't know about Lori and Tina, so the topics were light and just catching up. So after lunch I dropped her off and she didn't wanna go back to work, being all pouty and cute, wanting to hang out with me. But, she gave me the key to her place, and I headed down to get settled, walk her dog Bella (who fucking loves me), take a shower, and get ready for the game.
So I walk in and take a walk around, and immediately get a sense of what is going on. She has all her roses that this douche has given her, in her room, in the living room, even in the drapes holder. There's a saxaphone under the table. I'm like, oh Christ, here we go. So I take the dog out and come back and can feel my stomach getting tight already. Allright, time to calm down. So I go on her machine and answer some email and find directions for tomorrow and shit and finish up, but before I close the computer down, I thought about her iPhoto and sure enough, I launched it. I wanna see this dude, I wanna see what this girl has been up to.
Welllllllllllll. Of course it is just filled with pictures of her partying and drinking and just being ... well, an attention slut. Great pics she can show her kids someday. So I guess I started at the bottom and thought at first that this one guy she was hanging on was the one, but really couldn't tell. So I keep scrolling up and sure enough pics from Philly when she went there with him -- to his parents house mind you -- and I couldn't believe my eyes. This fuckin dude is a CRETIN. A heinous individual, let me tell ya! He has these two big fuckin ... goiters? warts? on the side of his face by his eye and just a big zit here and there and my immediately reaction was NO FUCKING WAY. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I just couldnt' believe it, how well, disgusting this guy looked and here she was with him. How could she be with this guy? Kiss this guy? EWWWW!!! Fuck this guy?!! EWWWWW!!!!! SO GROSS! I mean what goes through her mind when she kisses this guy and tries to grab his face and there's the goiters?! Then there's pictures of her kissing him and sitting on his lap, and then a good one, a pic of her wearing this shirt that says "I'm fucking the drummer". And your PROUD of that statement?! LOL! I actually screamed and laughed so hard I scared the poor dog and she started yelling. It literally knocked my socks off as I couldn't believe it, but another piece of the puzzle falls into place. Oh this was GOLDEN and I'm gonna milk this one!
Seeing the pics made me feel so much better and I laughed so fucking hard that it wore me out and I actually laid down at that point and took a nap! LOL!
So I get ready for the game and take the dog out again and off I go to pick her up from work. She texts me to bring a joint, shocking, huh? Can she do anything without smoking weed or having a drink? I didn't think so either. Anyway, so I pick her up and of course in the back of my mind is Wart already and just how fucking funny I find the whole ordeal. I'm waiting for her in the parking lot and all of a sudden, crazy timing of course, TerriLynn texts me. She tells me to have a good time at the game and to be careful and that she hopes to see me tomorrow. So we're texting back and forth and shit and out comes Marilyn. Whoops. She caught me smiling as I was texting and I think it pissed her off a bit but oh well.
I'm in a great mood as we are heading to the game and we're chitchatting and she's pulling on that joint like I wish she would have sucked my cock. But alas, drugs before dick! Anyway, we park and go for drinks and we're having a great time. She looked great and it was the first time I ever seen her drink a beer because well, now, she drinks it. She's talking about being so horny and how she gets off, as she says, ten times a week. So I say, yeah, 'two minutes a time', which she agreed which I popped for. So great, maybe some good wild sex tonight with her, (and it also confirmed the fact that Wart isn't making her cum). So we're chatting and being playful and talking about old times and the chemistry is there. She's gabbing about going out somewhere or whatever and mentions about her getting 'really high' with Cindy the other day, and then quickly mentions how she doesn't want to be the type of mom Cindy is, as she smokes while the kid are there (or who knows, perhaps in front of her, which wouldn't surprise me. Ya know, like Marilyn's other friend Caren. Nice parents we all have here, don't we? Great role models.). We take a few pictures, which really turned out great what a shame, and walk over to the game.
Throughout the game we're more touchy feely and just into each other. I was having such a great time, and I thik she was too. So we got out for a smoke in between games and the playful games continue. Having fun, laughing, kissing a bit, touching, good stuff. Now for some reason she keeps touching my nipples, even going so far as to run her hands up my shirt a few times. Now she know that turns me on huge, but then I got the impression from her actions and even what was said that it seems perhaps ol Wart might have himself a set of man boobs. Ya know, bitch tits! I remembering thinking that in the moment and had to bury that one as well as although she was burying TerriLynn BAD, I kept everything inside and took the high road, instead of coming out and saying that her boyfriend has two clits on his face and a pair of bitch tits. Wow, lol, that just cracked me up writing that! Although I must admit, lol, that I did slip in the word 'cretin' and of course talked about Alexis and her fucking huge mole/wart, and I did it on purpose. Yeah, it was evident right on her face! Yeah! She wasn't very responsive, teehee, and quickly changed the subject. :)
Then during one smoke, and the conversation leading that way, I looked her dead in the eye and told her that she'll never find another that loved her more than I did, who will fuck her better than I will, or that she can find another that would be a better father than I am (yes!). And she just kinda looked at me. She proceeds to tell me that she things I'll never find anyone that is 'willing to do the things I do in the bedroom'. Seriously, I didn't know whether to laugh or vomit.
She tells me that all she knows is that she wants to be happy, doesn't want to be poor, and to be a mom. OK, sounds good. But then, and I swear to you not 5 minutes later, she tells me about her doing mushrooms last week and sitting on the curb being all into herself for an hour. I'm like WHAT? Mushrooms? Damn!, This girl is gonna be 32 years old? Isn't that something you do when you're 22? WOW this girl parties WAY too much. So from mom to mushrooms in less than 5 minutes. I couldn't believe it. THEN, to top it off (as if it needed one), we're walking back in and see this couple in the Bums jerseys and we give each other words of encouragement. Then she goes, as we we're leaving, something to the effect of 'yeah, and I give great head too!' I happen to look at the girl first who is just agast and what she just heard, her mouth was literally wideopen, while the dude was just like 'oh yeah man, good for you!'. I looked at back at Marilyn who was walking back in - leaving the 'scene' so to speak - and it just kinda stopped me for a sec. Like, what a slut. It was just a huge turnoff. The look on the girl's face was just pure disgust at her, like you fucking whore. Plus, the honest truth is, she doesn't give great head, and it was never very often to begin with anyway. She just likes to get it over quick, ya know, like how she masturbates. Cum and done. Wow. How erotic. Or maybe she likes the little dickies like on her boyfriend Wart. She can't handle a real cock. Anyway, in like 10 minutes, she blew me away like three different times which her words and actions. Unreal.
Anyyyyyyway, back inside to the game where the Flyers lost. I blew off the stupid/slutty comment outside and just having a great time. I want to pound this girl tonight for more reasons than one. We're getting pretty buzzed and we end up making out near the bathrooms where the ushers had to come over to us and tell us to stop because they thought we were fighting :) Yeah, that's GOLDEN baby! So after the game we take off and go and eat and head back to her place, and I have it all mapped out in my mind about what I want to do to this girl and how I'm going to get there to do it.
We walk in and she heads right for the bathroom. She's peeing or whatever and I'm ready to tell her to get her ass ready to get fucked. I get the dog and say "I'm going to take Bella for a walk" and before I can even get "and when I come back we're gonna fuck and I want you to be ready so do what you need to do" she blurts out "and I'm going to lay down in bed!" Jesus Christ, here we go. So I take the dumb dog outside and come back not 7 minutes later and sure enough, she's all curled in bed, half-asleep already, wearing pajamas or whatever. All that talk about being horny, all that teasing, was just bullshit. So I don't say a word and just lay in bed there with her. She looks over and goes 'wake me with lickings later', and then rolls over and goes to sleep. Perfect, just perfect. Some night of sex this is gonna be. I was boiling at this point, just boiling inside, My god. So, regardless, four hours later or whatever, I get up to pee and then debate in my head whether I should try and fuck her. So I start to go down on her and she wakes up and is all moaning and everything and I get ready to slide my big cock inside of her. She looks at me and goes "I can't." You can't? What? After you ran your fucking mouth all night about getting fucked? After I took you to the game and we had a hot time and we were all over each other all night? I took it in stride and just layed there as the bump on a log fell back asleep. To say I had a rough night would be an understatement, as I started to wig out and just felt VERY uncomfortable there. I couldn't believe that she blew me off like that. I went to the couch for a few mins but no way there, and I actually thought about leaving. But as I layed there in that bed, my mind thought about this whole stupid night, and just what kind of girl she is. It was all talk from Marilyn, just the same ol same ol. It was all about attention. It was all about trying to put herself over sexually (with myself and others), and again failing to deliver. I thought this is what my life would be like if I was with this girl. We would get drunk and party, she'd flirt with all the guys, make an ass out of herself all night long and tell everyone how great she is sexually, and then go home and crash while I'm stuck there disrespected and with my dick in my hand. Or don't go out and smoke weed all night and her pass out and then I'm still stuck with my dick in my hand. Or even worse, make a slut out of herself up here. Can you imagine her pulling something like that at a party here like say at Zeb's? or Conner’s? Christ I would kill her. Jesus, fuck all that. I was just so .......... annoyed (?) and disgusted with the whole ordeal. Typical Marilyn. Says one thing, does another. It really hit me how immature and just gross and manipulative it all really was, how it's all just a show, how it's all just a game to her, how much this girl parties, and just how this is a person that I just don't want to be with.
I slept for like 2 hours if that and she got up and went to work. By this point, after the epiphany I had about 4:00am laying there, I'm pretty much just done. I head over to Tampa to see Dale and catch up with those guys. She texts me about lunch. Sorry babe, I don't think so.
I find Dale's place and it was good to see him. It was just him and Gary who was a cool dude and we talked for quite a while and the company, all the shit about our old company and what Dale is doing to them after the fucked him over real bad. The Gary mentions the lawsuit they are trying to bring against them for back pay, and after he explained it to me, it made so much sense. Typical F*rc*unt, trying to screw people out of money. Christ, hasn't ANYONE around here changed? I told Dale to go after them fuckers. Then Dave shows up, the silent owner who I have never met, and what a cool fucker this guy is. Then, he goes look at this, and he is wearing a braclet for the 2007 World Series of Poker! I almost shit! So he tells me all about the tournament ($2500.00 shootout event) and how he was at the final table with Daniel Negreanu and Erick Lundrgen. Couldn't believe it! I told him that I was sincerely happy for him and what an incredible experience. I got to take a few pics with the braclet and just thought it was the coolest fucking thing. What a kickass guy Dave is.
After I finally get out of there it's back to Marilyn's work to drop off her key. We have a smoke and she notices something is wrong, as it's pretty obvious. So, I finally let her onto my little secret about seeing her iPhoto library. I could have went on and on and on about last night, about how weird it was, and I how I really didn't understand her or her actions. But nah, fuck it, I thought the better of it, as I guess I just really didn't even care and was just kinda disgusted with the entire ordeal. The entire ordeal just made me feel all yukcy and gross. I gave her the key and off I went to the hotel to check in and crash before the Halooween party.
I was just so fucking spent there. From not sleeping, the previous night's bullshit, just tired. So I crashed hard for an hour and then Brad showed up and we got all ready for the party. Went to the RaceTrac right by the hotel and there was this family of Pakistanians living in the hotel. Weird! They had like 9 or 10 rooms, a whole slew of them, and there were a lot of little kids outside. Yeah it was nuts.
We took a cab there and the party was on! Roy and Mickey and Ric were already there and halftrashed so it was time to get this party started! Quagmire was a big hit and I just had a great time. Brad actually shit his pants. Yes, reread that sentence again if you need to. We were out by the bathroom there and ol boy squats down and just has a look of horror on his face. He actually shit his pants and shit his pants so bad that the scrubs he was wearing (he was Doctor Love), actually had a big shitstain on them. I was fuckin ROLLIN! Hysterical shit, I couldn't believe it. Overall I had such a good time, drank some really good Vodka and killer punch, and there were some hotties in some nice costumes there :) Brittany was VERY flirtacious to me (and her husband I think caught her one time chatting me up, I learned my lesson, no more married bitches!). I think she knew I was naughty and into kinky shit and I don't think that she gets that from ol boy. Well if she doesn't know I am kinky, she sure does now. I even spanked Leah's ass a bunch of times and talked naughty with her as she is a bad girl. She knows I spank the best, she fucking loves it, and I KNOW that girl rubs her pussy to me when she is getting off - because she told me. But, ugh, just not attractive, ya know? She'd be a LOT of fun in the sack and I could do some really bad things to her, but ehhhhhhhhhhh I just don't think so. Me, Brad, Adam and Leah went back to the hotel and hung out and partied and I bent Leah over the guardrail and spanked her ass a few more times, then went to bed as they had to leave. Great GREAT party and of course the highlight which will be remembered for years in Brad shitting his pants. The fuckin stain was like the size of a dollar bill man, lol, he had to take off his underwear and pull up his pants all the way up so the shitstain was hidden. Fuckin a ting a beauty man!!!! LOL!
Saturday I woke up and didn't feel too bad and was kinda raring to go. I made plans to hang out with the boys up in NPR and spend the night up there, as I really had nowhere to go, and sure as hell wasn't going back to Marilyn's, so off to NPR for some fun. I headed over the bridge and picked up money from Dale, and while he didn't give me enough, I know he is just starting and I'll get it down the road. I told Tyler that I'll be back down in a month and I just know he is going to have the place rockin and rollin in such a short time. I can tell he is worried, but he's come a long way so far already.
I called Marilyn and she was done with her hair appointment and her husband, lol, so I went over there. It was obvious things were very different from what they were just a few short hours ago. OH! And I now remember why! Before I left her house on ........... Friday afternoon I think, I left a bunch of little notes around the house for her to see like in places she would find them. Like I brought inside her boots and top and wrote a note that said something like 'remember how good i used to fuck you in these boots?' and then another one in her sex toy drawer that said 'you should be fucking me instead of your toys' or some shit like that. A few of them were stiff, like 'you fool' and 'i hope to see you all grown upone day'. Oh, here's one -- so I go to drop one in her vanity drawer and I drop the note in, something like 'when your actions match the words that come out of your mouth, be sure to let me know'. So I drop it in a there's a rolled up dollarbill right there in the drawer. And maybe it wasn't, but my mind immediately thought of coke. Maybe it was the straw (?) that her and Wart used the first time they did coke. Or maybe she did a bump or two right there while I slept. Who knows, who cares. So I wrote another note to tell her to keep on partying and do more and more! Fun! Marilyn Fun! Party! Fun! Coke! Tease! Fun! And then come home and NOT fuck! LOL! Actually, to be honest, the only time the girl was ever worth a damn in bed was when she was coked up. I fucked her real well a few times with her like that. What a shame she needed coke to fuck instead of just laying there being stoned. THAT is a crying shame right there.
Christ I really don't feel like writing about her or thinking about that anymore. We went for pizza but things were obviously very cold. When I got there she just wanted to nap and get food in, but I wanted to go out. I didn't feel comfortable there at all and I sure wasn't going to lay in bed with her. Maybe she would have tried to make it up to me from the previous night by laying there and letting me fuck her, but at that point, no thanks. I was just turned off by the entire ordeal. So after pizza we sat on her couch and I said some shit, she hardly said anything at all, per usual. I told her again about being in love with her potential and that I hope she could be a mom someday. Just not with me, as I don't want someone who parties like she does. We kissed pretty much goodbye, and the last thing I said to her was 'Your loss.'
I had a lot on my mind as I headed up to Roy and Ric's in NPR like I said I would. Time to forget about this crap.
We all hung out and Mickey and Rob came by and the shit-the-pants Brad soon after. My mood was improving as I thought about the upcoming festivites of the evening :) I called TerriLynn (lol, yes, I called her) and told her we will be going to the place her and I met and of course all my friends are coming with me. I told her to get all her friends, wear something sexy, and meet us at the bar. It's on.
I looked fuckin tremendous and was ready to have some fun. After having a few beforehand we all piled in Rob's car and headed off and as soon as we walked in I knew it was going to be a blast. Live band (who was playing The Who when I walked in) and lots of people, I was actually kinda surprised. So we hang by the bar and in walks TerriLynn with all her hot little friends. Damn, my jaw must have hit the floor. Red dress, black shiny boots, black choker, red red shiny lipstick, and that hair, jesus, long, black and curly. She looked fantastic and I told her so after the initial hug and little lip kiss :) I had so much fun with everyone, especially her, as we just had great conversations. I fuckin cut some tremendous rugs as the band was kick ass and we all rocked out! I looked great and felt confident and I guess it was showing. She really didn't leave my side all night, which I didn't mind one bit, seemed genuinally happy that I called and I arrived, and just seemed happy to be with me. Thinking about it, damn, ya know? It felt really good, I felt wanted. I don't know, there's more to that thought there, but I just don't have my finger on it yet.
I fucked her. I fucked her so hard and all over Roy's guest room. I plowed that poor girl over and over and it was great. She rode me - WELL -- and was just loving it the entire time. She was very hot in the sack and got really into it which I just love. Felt good to fuck and fuck well I can tell you that :)
Christ there's alot more to tell but I am getting tired and I have much more to tell.
We all went out to breakfast the next morning as it was Sunday and time for me to leave. We really didn't talk much about our relationship and to be honest, I really didn't want to. She's 24, I'm 35. It's written on the wall right there. But, even though we ARE different, she seems to be genuinally interested in my life and what I do. Like being a parent. She's not one, but then again, she is mature enough to realize that she does want one down the road when the time is right. Again, she's 24, she is supposed to be partying right now and living with her girlfriends. She actually comprehends that and understands. Like I said, again, it's very weird.
Oh! So as we are sitting there for breakfast I get a text from Marilyn asking me if I put something on her computer! POP! It actually made me laugh out loud right there. I simply replied "LOL! No dear".
TerriLynn and I said goodbye and I think she didn't want for me to go. Perhaps her and her friends may get an invite to the IPW Reunion Show, but I'll clear that with the boys first before asking them, which, lol, I am sure they won't mind. A few of them had some fun that night too, right, Rod? ;)
The ride home was a long one. Again, a lot on my mind. I kept aware of the Eagles game thru the radio on the way home (they won), and was presented with a gift as I listened to the Patriots/Redskins game on the way home, which was just BRILLIANT as the Pats killed those bastards, 52-0. I was popping so hard for the TDs and shit and thought about Marilyn. It was great. :)
Like I said, a lot on my mind. I know there is things I forgot in here but too bad. I kinda want to put this behind me, and that's what I told the therapist on Tuesday (as you'll learn when I post about that, which is kinda key). I thought about how different the treatment of TerriLynn was from Marilyn. I compared the two in my mind, going down the list. How I felt. What I liked about each of them. What I didn't like about each of them. How they made ME feel. It's ALL part of determining my ideal mate. And that's kinda what it is really all about. It was a very enlightening experience.
I'll be back soon to yap about Halloween (!), my session with the therapist (which was so intense I cant even describe it), my brother with MS (good news!), and whatever else I can think of. The Mouse arrives tomorrow for a weekend of fun and I cannot wait. Sorry it took me so long but hey, life is busy.
Remember: Love. It's a motherfucker, huh?
