Well I know it's been a few days but hey, I got a lot going on, ok?! So let me bring you back up to speed!
Yesterday I went to my daughter Julia's Parents Observation Day at her ballet and tapdance school and to say it was great would be an understatement. I am so proud of that kid! She did SO good and just loves her daddy SO much! She kept looking over at me during class and she just thinks the world of me. My exwife and my exwife's mom were there as well, and Julia totally blew them off. It was ALL about being with daddy, looking at daddy, seeking daddy's approval! She truly is MY GIRL! Bless that little kid's heart, I love her so much! That kid's love makes me feel so good, like a high. An AMAZING feeling!
My finger hurts so damn bad as I got a staple stuck in it yesterday and I had to tear it out. Damn did it hurt!
Julia and I had such a great weekend together. Friday night we went to ToysRUs for the birthday presents, and afterwards went to the treehouse McDonalds :) Saturday morning we woke up and went to the Fair in the morning and just had a blast! We rode the Merry-Go-Round three times, and we even went on the Ladybug Little Kids Roller Coaster twice! She had a blast at the petting zoo, and just the whole day there was fantastic. Saturday afternoon I took her to her little friend's birthday party and she had a blast. She even won the Pin-The-Tail-On-The-Donkey game with a perfect -- and I mean PERFECT -- placement of the tail! I popped so hard for her! When we weren't out running around, the focus again was on letters and coloring. We played on Friday night and Saturday night for hours and hours, just her and I drawing letters and I was helping her with words as well. I would write a word, she would tell me the letters in the word, she would write the word herself, and then I would tell her what the word is. We must have did about twenty different words (dog, cat, fish, bird, daddy, mommy, gramma, princess, etc....) and I am just so proud of her. I taught her how to do the letter S and she was having trouble but eventually she got it and I just popped so hard for it. She looked at me with such pride and joy, it made my heart melt. That kid is my whole life, I love her with every ounce of being in my heart, mind, body and soul. :)
It is supposed to be COLD here tonight, like in the 30's, and tomorrow won't break 60! Yikes!
Halloween was so kickass it wasn't even funny. On Tuesday night, the night before Halloween, I picked up Julia from school and we both got dressed up in our costumes (she was a princess and I was the prince, complete with crown from Burger King). We went over to Tina and Gina's house and spent some time with them, and of course they fell all over her and how cute she was. Then, we went to Lori and Mary's house, and those girls were just so nice to her. Julia played with Lori's dog, Biggie, a little chihuahua, and just had so much fun. Everyone loves Julia, how can you not?
Halloween night was a different kind of fun. I met Tina up at the Truck or Treat, where I saw my ex-wife's cousin who stated I just missed Julia. Damn! Anyway, Tina and I took Gina and her little friend to Betz Creek walking around the houses in there. I had a great time with them and Tina and I just get along so damn good. We talked about a lot of different things and we seem to be on the same page. We're getting closer and closer and I think we both feel it. We're going to spend Thanksgiving together, and I was over there on Sunday afternoon/night for the football games. We're working on her computer together, sitting in the same chair, and I have my arm around her waist holding her close. Nice feeling :)
After we all came home on Halloween, it was time to meet up with Lori and Mary for some fun downtown and I was ready and excited! Quagmire came out again and I picked up the girls and to say they both looked hot and delicious would have been an understatement. Lori looked so fucking HOT in her outfit and silver boots, and Mary was such a hot flapper in her kinky fencenet stockings. We all went downtown and saw Bill's band and I fuckin partied my ass off. Bill's band is GREAT and I had so much fun, even talked to a few different girls as well. I THINK one of them called me (private number), but no message so I hope I didn't miss out. Ooooo that Sheila was a sexy cutie who I recognized from match. Hottie! What a great GREAT night it turned out to be and I had so much fun. We rolled in at 3 (!) and the next day was incredibly rough but hey it's all in good fun! Oh -- the hottie who is the lead singer for Bill's band is so hot, I cannot WAIT to meet that girl!
Hmmm ... what else? Oh -- my brother (the one with MS) scored a major coup in that he somehow, someway received ALL of the original medical records from the hospital where he was originally misdiagnosed in 2001. To say this is huge would be an understatement. He received them (and my mom said they are very upsetting) and has already given them to the attorney and the ball will roll from here. I worry about that kid ALOT but he seems to be doing good and is trying to get a job with GE up in NY. I spoke with him at length yesterday trying to get inside his head a bit but he is still defensive about his health. As long as he is home and doing good, then everything is OK. His latest round of tests showed no further progressive of the MS, which of course is fantastic.
OK, let's talk about this because I want to bury it once and for all. Marilyn and I are no longer speaking -- at all. I had a therapy session last week after I got back which turned out to be pretty damn intense. The therapist does this rapidfire questions, so to speak, and last time it focused on my brother and his sickness and what that did to me and my family. Well this time it turns out she wanted to focus on Marilyn and our relationship. To make a longgggg story short (as I really don't want to dwell on it), she asked me some questions about our past and what happened. Through the course of the questions, she asked what was the most hurtful thing she did to me. Immediately, I mentioned the abortion. See, what happened was is that two December's ago, Marilyn got pregnant. I was floored. What she also told me was that she fucked her husband the week before she fucked me, oh and also that she rolled (took X) three days before she knew she was pregnant. I'll wait to you all reread that sentence again, while I sit here and wonder why I actually cared about someone who would do something so HURTFUL. I started to tell this to the therapist and all of a sudden I am screaming in her room and crying. She told me it was OK to be angry and to let it all out, which I did. I buried that deep in my mind and it was hard bringing that back up but felt good to get it out. I was pissed off and told the therapist about that, the night she took a kitchen knife and locked herself in the bathroom and threatened to kill herself, the terrible fights that we used to have, all that shit. I told her about the way she treated her husband by having numerous affairs behind his back, all the drugs over the years, everything.
The therapist told me a few things. That obviously she has hurt me in so many different ways, yet I continue to communicate and/or care for this person. She told me that she thinks that I think that Marilyn is not a good person, and I agreed. I don't think she is a good person at all. I told her that she has the potential to be such a wonderful person, but it seems that the people who are closest to her she always treats like complete shit. I told her about her boyfriend now, and she kinda pegged it. She told me that Marilyn is the type of person that will pick out someone with low self-esteem, and use that to benefit her. I couldn't agree more. She'll never have true respect from others or in a relationship because alot of girls think she's a whore, and well, lol, to be honest, alot of guys think she is easy so they will give her that attention. She'll have her 'boyfriend', but then continue to act like a whore to get the attention of others, while her boyfriend sits there with his dick in his hand, his self-esteem slowly diminishing. She treated her husband like complete shit, me even worse (as she caught me at a perfect time in my marriage when my self-esteem was at the bottom), and I am sure she will break the heart of Paul. She got a marriage out of her husband, she got a big fat cock and lots of orgasms out of me, and she gets gifts and attention from Paul. The therapist told me that nothing will make her change her ways, she'll always be that shallow. She told me that being with her -- and communicating with her -- lowers my self-respect and self-esteem, and that I shouldn't stand for it anymore. So I didn't. I emailed Marilyn lightly which turned into a fullblown argument after me stating that I think she has a substance abuse problem (which she does, it's plain as day. This girl was a coke addict for a while back a few years ago before I met her, and I am sure after what I found she is doing it again. That's not to mention ALL the weed and alcohol she pours into her body. Close to 32 years old, mind you. 32. And this woman wants to be a mom? My god.). So the argument escalates and I call her out for killing our baby under the most bizarre and crazy circumstances. Well that set her off, and that was that. I told her that I hated her, for what she did to me, to us, and to that poor baby. And that was that. My days of caring about, talking to, worrying about Marilyn are ALL over. It felt good to tell her that I hate her. And ya know what? I feel the difference already. She doesn't deserve someone like me. Hell, she didn't deserve someone like her husband. She really didn't. I feel sorry for that dude, I really do. And I feel sorry for Paul. She is going to crush this kid's poor heart. And that's all she does. She breaks hearts because she can't look past her own nose. What a selfish, shallow person. Just think Marilyn, the two people who loved you the most in this entire world now pretty much hate your guts for all the terrible things you did to them. I loved you so so so much, Marilyn, so so much. We had such promise, such a wonderful life ahead of us. But you could never give your heart to one, as you just don't know how. You broke my heart so bad, and I deserve so much more. You never even said you were sorry. Goodbye, Marilyn.
Felt good to write all that. Yeah, the fuckin therapy session was intense, it really was. I still can't believe I was screaming and ranting like a lunatic there. But, obviously, much good came out of it. I needed to bury that with Marilyn and am glad I did. I think I covered just about everything major. OH! One more thing! Let's just say that I might have TWO young ladies interested in ... posing in front of the camera! Uh, I know you all don't know too much about that, but let's just say it would be very interesting and a lot of fun! Perhaps one day I'll fill you all in. But for now, I ask that you all stay healthy and be careful out there! Stay warm!
And remember: The bravest thing that men do is love women. :)
