What's up everyone? Been a few weeks, time to catch you all up.
Not too shabby on this end, not to shabby at all. I scored a major website project which I have been working on for the past week or so and it will help me out financially to say the least. Looking to meet with the guy again this week and I must say, the site has turned out pretty good so far. It's a local music hall, and I am going to play there someday.
Yep, started the piano. Little by little, here and there, although time recently has been tough. I have been working on 'Drops of Jupiter' and I must say, it's coming along pretty good. I can do this, I know I can! I also got a Beatles Fake Book which is cool, and I am really enjoying myself. I've been trying to practice every day (along with working out just a bit) and kinda settling into a everyday schedule. I'm proud of myself!
St. Patrick's Day was a total blast. Woke up at 4:30 and was at Lori and Mary's house at 5:10. Headed downtown and was there by 6, all ready to go. Had a good solid drunk throughout the morning and just had a really good time. Good to blow off some steam like that and got some great pictures. Mary and I make such a cute couple and we had a lot of fun. There's definitely something there I tell ya.....
Vicky and I have been getting a long fine and in fact just last week I probably had one of, if not the best, sexual experiences of my life with her. Yeah, really kinky and just delicious. But see, I don't know, I know I mentioned that I couldn't put my finger on it, I guess there is just no spark there on my part. I am trying, I really am, but I just can't force it. I like hanging out with her (for the most part), but then again, sometimes I don't. She told me she is having feelings for me and I told her to slow down because well, I am not. I just don't see this lasting much longer, although she is a great person and brings a lot of positive characteristics to a long-term relationship. I'm just not interested though, I guess. We'll see.
I'm headed to Vegas and I cannot fucking wait. May 1st. Me and my friend Brian are going, and I am meeting my old friend Ali and her hot friends out there who live in Seattle. Brian hooked us up with one of his hot girls Heather who is going to put us up for one night. She works at Hooters. Enough said. It should be an AMAZING trip and I am very looking forward to it.
Been spending a lot of time with Tina this past week. She invited me over on Sunday for a BBQ and we hung out Saturday night. Interesting.
I haven't heard much from the 19 year old Jennifer. Hot as balls she is though I must say. I will see her tomorrow though when I pick Julia up. She's HOT.
The Philadelphia Flyers piss me off so goddamn bad.
Marilyn and I still talk over the IM and I sent her a photo album a few weeks ago with all our old pictures and photocopies of her notes. I really enjoyed putting it together and I think she really dug it, I hope it moved her. I wrote a nice long letter to her as well, which turned out good. There is no chance of anything there as she has made her decisions, and I really don't know why I sent her the album, I guess just to show her a) what she is missing out upon, and b) what she'll never have or feel with her new boyfriend. She actually stated in one of her conversations that she was 'crying herself to sleep one night'. Yikes. Yeah, excellent choices you made there Marilyn. Good luck with alllllllllllll that.
Speaking of Marilyn, we're going to have lunch on Friday as I am headed to Tampa for Spring Training. I look forward to hanging out with my friend Brad and seeing how things are going with him. Should be a lot of fun. And of course my interaction with Marilyn will be interesting. Truth be told, I want to fuck her. We shall see.
Julia is doing so good. We had such a good weekend as we went to Home Depot and bought and shitload of flowers and came home and planted them. Lots of fun and some great pictures I got. She is growing up and alot of fun to be around but I must admit that she is starting to get friends in the neighborhood and wants to spend time with them when she comes to my house. Make me jealous a bit and kinda sad as she is growing up and am entering a different phase in her life. I am so very proud of what I accomplished with her so far as she is turning into a wonderful little girl. We have a great summer planned and the baseball games start up in about 3 weeks and I cannot wait.
Hmmmmm.....is that it? It just might be. Lost better pick it up, lemme tell ya! We need some action!
A telling quote you ask? How about this:
Love lasts when the relationship comes first.
Wow, I REALLY like that.
Stay healthy, everyone.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Been a while. Again!
Well hello everyone. Geez. Been quite a few weeks since my last post, again. I guess things are kinda going well because after reading many of my posts in this blog, it seems like I like to use this as a reflection for when things are going not so good. Hopefully, future posts won't reflect that. Anyway, it's time to catch you all up.
Things are going well, I must admit. I'm pretty happy in general and I really don't have much to complain about. Julia is doing so well, in fact, she is here with me right now, coloring. She just gave me a rock, lol! She is turning into such a fine little girl, so bright and smart and well-behaved. She loves to read and dance and play 'teacher' (kinda like her old man did when he was a little boy!). I cannot believe she starts kindergarten in just a few short months and I have confirmed that she is going to go to an excellent school right here on the Island. I so enjoy watching her grow up, playing with her, and teaching her things. I gotta say that kid is awesome at 'Memory'! I am looking forward to a wonderful summer with her: going to the beach, the pool, the playground, and being able to play outside a lot more. It's been quite cool here recently but I know it will warm up soon, and then people will be bitching about how hot it is.
I am thinking of flying my mom down for a weekend. I know she misses Julia so much, and I miss her as well.
Since I have confirmed Julia will be going to a public school, one of my main things to do is to try again to get my child support payment reduced. I spend entirely too much time with Julia to allow the huge payment I continue to pay. It's simply not fair. And I am actually thinking of asking my ex-wife if Julia could stay here overnight even more, I am thinking every Tuesday night. I don't know if it will work as far as my work schedule goes, but we shall see. The way it works now is as follows: Julia stays here overnight 3 out of 14 days. I see her, in one form or another, 9 out of those 14 days, whether it be picking her up from school and hanging out with her for 4 hours on Tuesdays, picking her up from ballet, etc). If she stays on Tuesdays, that would bump it to 5 out of 14 and 11 out of 14 days. I think that looks pretty good, and I gotta tell ya, sometimes I just miss the shit out of her. So hopefully everything will work out.
I've been quite motivated and I need to make some changes in my life. I want to quit smoking, start working out again, start a Lost blog, and learn to play the piano. I think I could become a pretty good piano player and singer. There are so many good songs I would learn to love to play. Nevertheless, it would be a whole helluva lot of fun to try!
I am fullforce into the dating scene, and am really enjoying myself. I am currently dating a very nice woman named Vicky. She works where I work, but just in a different department. I really dig her, I really do. She treats me so amazingly and really digs me and puts me over all the time, which is so nice. She thinks I am the sexiest thing walking! She even surprised me the other day by taking me to a day spa which was really cool! She's smart as fuck, naughty as all hell, tall and has red hair (another redhead?). Oh yeah, she loves to play dressup (ahem). We've been naughty quite a few times, and this girl has been so hot for me that sometimes she has come over BEFORE work to get it on. Wow! Anyway, I've been pretty honest with her in terms of well, everything, and I think it's really worked out for my benefit. There really is no need to hide anything and I don't, in regards to what I am into sexually, my past relationships, everything. I do believe there is some long-term potential there as she has many qualities that I do like, but I don't know, I just can't put my finger on it on what is holding me back. Time will tell, but I must admit, that I really like going slow.
Quick story: so last weekend I go over to Vicky's house in the morning and arrive there, and she is ready to go dressed as my blue vinyl princess (so hot, amazing in fact). So we have amazing naughty sex and it was just awesome. Anyway, afterwards, we decide to go and get something to eat. We're both all disshelved and literally STINKING of sex. She's lookin all post-fucked and sexy, and I swear it was like the gods smiled upon me, as we walk into the restaurant and BANG! There sits my exwife and my exwife's new husband and Julia. Julia comes running over to me and my exwife of course has a look of sheer HORROR on her face. It was brilliant, and of course it was obvious to anyone over the age of 16 what we just finished doing. THEN, to top it off, they are getting ready to leave, and Julia is at our table, so my exwife has to get up, walk over to us, introduce herself to Vicky, and shake her hand. Julia of course doesn't want to go and pitched a fit. Let me tell you my friends, as I sat in that booth, I soaked it all in and I felt like one million dollars and was so happy that fate and/or karma smiled upon me like that. It was beautiful. :)
Vicky, bless her heart, tops it off by saying "Jesus. What is she? 40?" YIKES! Huge pop!
Anyway!
Lori and I kissed. Yes, that Lori. We went out - just the two of us - last weekend and just had a great time. At the end of our fabulous night, we kissed. I really don't know how I feel about her. I mean, I am attracted to her, but again, I don't know if there is any long term potential there. I just don't think she is a naughty girl. I think we both know that we aren't a long-term fit for each other, but I know there is a lot of attraction there on both of our parts. That whole situation is weird, it really is. Plus, I'm also attracted to her roommate Mary. They are both my friends so I really don't want to fuck anything up in regards to that as the three of us are all quite close.
Also: I got the phone number of the girl who works at Julia's school yesterday. She's 19 (!) and just cute and hot and sexy! It looks like we are going to go out next Friday night. This girl ADORES me and gave me four hugs yesterday. Yeah, I must admit, that things are going very well for me on the dating front! It's all about finding that close-to-perfect fit, and I am certainly enjoying myself in my search. I really don't feel all that confident in my appearance, but I don't know, sometimes it more about attitude. If I can combine this confidence/attitude with the way I looked in December, look the fuck out.
Marilyn and I have decided to go our separate ways. We've been chatting over the internet for the past week or two and, really, it's just time to break this off. The conversations have been pretty intense at times, but she has made her own choices and has to live with them. I believe she loves me, but just not enough, ya know? She is actually moving into a house with that hideous boyfriend I told you all about. I simply cannot continue to care for this girl and wonder what she is up to. She wants to have a family and seems happy there but I just don't know as it certainly doesn't seem like it at times. I know she misses me sexually, and to be honest, that's probably about it. I miss her too but I must admit that every single girl I have encountered since Marilyn has treated me a lot better than she has (socially and sexually as well). I love the kid, I really do, but it's just time. I honestly think that she is the love of my life, but I am not hers, and never will be. I also don't think that Paul is the one for her either, judging from past comments she has made, and from also the fact that she was still talking to me. One of the things she did state which struck me was that Paul allows her to be herself and 'doesn't mind' when she sits on 'the bass players lap'. What I neglected to tell her was the fact that if he does care for her like she says he does, then it does effect him. He just doesn't have enough self-esteem to actually bring it up and jeopardize rocking the boat in the relationship he is so desperate for with her. She did the exact same thing with her husband. I, of course, wouldn't put up with it. So, she doesn't understand that she IS hurting him by acting that way, that it makes him feel two inches tall, makes all the other guys think she is easy, and most importantly, it is making him question his trust for her. And that is something she will never have whomever she ends up with: trust. Paul has already been spying on her as, of course, he doesn't trust her. Why should he? She does nothing to solidify that trust, and will probably never learn that. I think she is making a big mistake and told her so, but really, it's not my problem anymore. She is using poor Paul to a) have a boyfriend/not be alone and b) make her financial situation better. She'll wind up settling with him, continue to tell herself that she loves him, and then it will all fall apart, by her having an affair and him finding out. But the poor sap will probably forgive her and continue to let her run him over as she did with her husband. I simply had too much self-esteem to allow something like that to happen. I never trusted her, and why should I? Anyway, like I said, I love the kid, but she has made her own choices. She constantly refers to me as the best dad ever, I come to find out she could have had a job here, and I know I'm the best fuck she ever had. Then seriously, what is keeping her away? Every single girl who I have told this to comes to the same conclusion: she didn't love me. And she didn't. If she truly did, and we were meant to be together, that she would have went to the ends of the Earth for me, like any girl would do for the man they truly love (and many girls have told me this). And that's ok. I learned SO much from this relationship, and we really have nothing left because she told me she 'can't' see me. So there really is nothing left anymore, and I don't want to speak with her so she can tell me about her new house or her boyfriend or partying or whatever. So that is that. I took it a lot better than I thought I did, probably for the fact that I have quite a few others who think the world of me and think that I am the sexiest thing walking.
Adios Marilyn. I'll probably never see you again, so I am wishing you well in whatever you want out of life. I know you're making a mistake and will probably fuck it up sometime down the road because, as you mentioned, you really don't know what you are doing. Alas, it's not my problem anymore. I'm going to continue my search for the woman who I am going to spend the rest of my life with, the woman who I feel about the same way I felt about you. But rest assured she will treat me completely the opposite of you did. And THAT I can promise you.
I honestly think that's about it. The Flyers have been playing well recently after shitting the bed and I hope they make it into the playoffs because that would be fun. The Eagles have signed Asante Samuel which is a great move and I just hope they pick up a wide receiver now. I'd really like to go down to Spring Training in a few weeks to see the Phils but I just don't think I am going to make it, and really, since Marilyn and I have gone our separate ways, I really don't see much of a pressing need to go down there. So we shall see. Oh yeah, and I love Lost.
In signing off for now, I'm going to go back and use one I used before as it seems to fit perfectly in regards to recent events:
Relationships fail not because of a lack of love. It's just that one loves too much, and the other loves too many.
Amen to that.
Things are going well, I must admit. I'm pretty happy in general and I really don't have much to complain about. Julia is doing so well, in fact, she is here with me right now, coloring. She just gave me a rock, lol! She is turning into such a fine little girl, so bright and smart and well-behaved. She loves to read and dance and play 'teacher' (kinda like her old man did when he was a little boy!). I cannot believe she starts kindergarten in just a few short months and I have confirmed that she is going to go to an excellent school right here on the Island. I so enjoy watching her grow up, playing with her, and teaching her things. I gotta say that kid is awesome at 'Memory'! I am looking forward to a wonderful summer with her: going to the beach, the pool, the playground, and being able to play outside a lot more. It's been quite cool here recently but I know it will warm up soon, and then people will be bitching about how hot it is.
I am thinking of flying my mom down for a weekend. I know she misses Julia so much, and I miss her as well.
Since I have confirmed Julia will be going to a public school, one of my main things to do is to try again to get my child support payment reduced. I spend entirely too much time with Julia to allow the huge payment I continue to pay. It's simply not fair. And I am actually thinking of asking my ex-wife if Julia could stay here overnight even more, I am thinking every Tuesday night. I don't know if it will work as far as my work schedule goes, but we shall see. The way it works now is as follows: Julia stays here overnight 3 out of 14 days. I see her, in one form or another, 9 out of those 14 days, whether it be picking her up from school and hanging out with her for 4 hours on Tuesdays, picking her up from ballet, etc). If she stays on Tuesdays, that would bump it to 5 out of 14 and 11 out of 14 days. I think that looks pretty good, and I gotta tell ya, sometimes I just miss the shit out of her. So hopefully everything will work out.
I've been quite motivated and I need to make some changes in my life. I want to quit smoking, start working out again, start a Lost blog, and learn to play the piano. I think I could become a pretty good piano player and singer. There are so many good songs I would learn to love to play. Nevertheless, it would be a whole helluva lot of fun to try!
I am fullforce into the dating scene, and am really enjoying myself. I am currently dating a very nice woman named Vicky. She works where I work, but just in a different department. I really dig her, I really do. She treats me so amazingly and really digs me and puts me over all the time, which is so nice. She thinks I am the sexiest thing walking! She even surprised me the other day by taking me to a day spa which was really cool! She's smart as fuck, naughty as all hell, tall and has red hair (another redhead?). Oh yeah, she loves to play dressup (ahem). We've been naughty quite a few times, and this girl has been so hot for me that sometimes she has come over BEFORE work to get it on. Wow! Anyway, I've been pretty honest with her in terms of well, everything, and I think it's really worked out for my benefit. There really is no need to hide anything and I don't, in regards to what I am into sexually, my past relationships, everything. I do believe there is some long-term potential there as she has many qualities that I do like, but I don't know, I just can't put my finger on it on what is holding me back. Time will tell, but I must admit, that I really like going slow.
Quick story: so last weekend I go over to Vicky's house in the morning and arrive there, and she is ready to go dressed as my blue vinyl princess (so hot, amazing in fact). So we have amazing naughty sex and it was just awesome. Anyway, afterwards, we decide to go and get something to eat. We're both all disshelved and literally STINKING of sex. She's lookin all post-fucked and sexy, and I swear it was like the gods smiled upon me, as we walk into the restaurant and BANG! There sits my exwife and my exwife's new husband and Julia. Julia comes running over to me and my exwife of course has a look of sheer HORROR on her face. It was brilliant, and of course it was obvious to anyone over the age of 16 what we just finished doing. THEN, to top it off, they are getting ready to leave, and Julia is at our table, so my exwife has to get up, walk over to us, introduce herself to Vicky, and shake her hand. Julia of course doesn't want to go and pitched a fit. Let me tell you my friends, as I sat in that booth, I soaked it all in and I felt like one million dollars and was so happy that fate and/or karma smiled upon me like that. It was beautiful. :)
Vicky, bless her heart, tops it off by saying "Jesus. What is she? 40?" YIKES! Huge pop!
Anyway!
Lori and I kissed. Yes, that Lori. We went out - just the two of us - last weekend and just had a great time. At the end of our fabulous night, we kissed. I really don't know how I feel about her. I mean, I am attracted to her, but again, I don't know if there is any long term potential there. I just don't think she is a naughty girl. I think we both know that we aren't a long-term fit for each other, but I know there is a lot of attraction there on both of our parts. That whole situation is weird, it really is. Plus, I'm also attracted to her roommate Mary. They are both my friends so I really don't want to fuck anything up in regards to that as the three of us are all quite close.
Also: I got the phone number of the girl who works at Julia's school yesterday. She's 19 (!) and just cute and hot and sexy! It looks like we are going to go out next Friday night. This girl ADORES me and gave me four hugs yesterday. Yeah, I must admit, that things are going very well for me on the dating front! It's all about finding that close-to-perfect fit, and I am certainly enjoying myself in my search. I really don't feel all that confident in my appearance, but I don't know, sometimes it more about attitude. If I can combine this confidence/attitude with the way I looked in December, look the fuck out.
Marilyn and I have decided to go our separate ways. We've been chatting over the internet for the past week or two and, really, it's just time to break this off. The conversations have been pretty intense at times, but she has made her own choices and has to live with them. I believe she loves me, but just not enough, ya know? She is actually moving into a house with that hideous boyfriend I told you all about. I simply cannot continue to care for this girl and wonder what she is up to. She wants to have a family and seems happy there but I just don't know as it certainly doesn't seem like it at times. I know she misses me sexually, and to be honest, that's probably about it. I miss her too but I must admit that every single girl I have encountered since Marilyn has treated me a lot better than she has (socially and sexually as well). I love the kid, I really do, but it's just time. I honestly think that she is the love of my life, but I am not hers, and never will be. I also don't think that Paul is the one for her either, judging from past comments she has made, and from also the fact that she was still talking to me. One of the things she did state which struck me was that Paul allows her to be herself and 'doesn't mind' when she sits on 'the bass players lap'. What I neglected to tell her was the fact that if he does care for her like she says he does, then it does effect him. He just doesn't have enough self-esteem to actually bring it up and jeopardize rocking the boat in the relationship he is so desperate for with her. She did the exact same thing with her husband. I, of course, wouldn't put up with it. So, she doesn't understand that she IS hurting him by acting that way, that it makes him feel two inches tall, makes all the other guys think she is easy, and most importantly, it is making him question his trust for her. And that is something she will never have whomever she ends up with: trust. Paul has already been spying on her as, of course, he doesn't trust her. Why should he? She does nothing to solidify that trust, and will probably never learn that. I think she is making a big mistake and told her so, but really, it's not my problem anymore. She is using poor Paul to a) have a boyfriend/not be alone and b) make her financial situation better. She'll wind up settling with him, continue to tell herself that she loves him, and then it will all fall apart, by her having an affair and him finding out. But the poor sap will probably forgive her and continue to let her run him over as she did with her husband. I simply had too much self-esteem to allow something like that to happen. I never trusted her, and why should I? Anyway, like I said, I love the kid, but she has made her own choices. She constantly refers to me as the best dad ever, I come to find out she could have had a job here, and I know I'm the best fuck she ever had. Then seriously, what is keeping her away? Every single girl who I have told this to comes to the same conclusion: she didn't love me. And she didn't. If she truly did, and we were meant to be together, that she would have went to the ends of the Earth for me, like any girl would do for the man they truly love (and many girls have told me this). And that's ok. I learned SO much from this relationship, and we really have nothing left because she told me she 'can't' see me. So there really is nothing left anymore, and I don't want to speak with her so she can tell me about her new house or her boyfriend or partying or whatever. So that is that. I took it a lot better than I thought I did, probably for the fact that I have quite a few others who think the world of me and think that I am the sexiest thing walking.
Adios Marilyn. I'll probably never see you again, so I am wishing you well in whatever you want out of life. I know you're making a mistake and will probably fuck it up sometime down the road because, as you mentioned, you really don't know what you are doing. Alas, it's not my problem anymore. I'm going to continue my search for the woman who I am going to spend the rest of my life with, the woman who I feel about the same way I felt about you. But rest assured she will treat me completely the opposite of you did. And THAT I can promise you.
I honestly think that's about it. The Flyers have been playing well recently after shitting the bed and I hope they make it into the playoffs because that would be fun. The Eagles have signed Asante Samuel which is a great move and I just hope they pick up a wide receiver now. I'd really like to go down to Spring Training in a few weeks to see the Phils but I just don't think I am going to make it, and really, since Marilyn and I have gone our separate ways, I really don't see much of a pressing need to go down there. So we shall see. Oh yeah, and I love Lost.
In signing off for now, I'm going to go back and use one I used before as it seems to fit perfectly in regards to recent events:
Relationships fail not because of a lack of love. It's just that one loves too much, and the other loves too many.
Amen to that.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Wow. Been a while.
I don't know why I got away from doing this for what seems to be about a month, but I thought about it and decided it was time to catch you all up.
Briefly:
Things are OK. Money is tight.
Sara from Connecticut never came to see me. I ended that as it got a little too weird for me.
I'm dating a new girl named Vicky. Very bright and very cool, treats me well. The spark is just not there though.
Lori and I have been getting closer and closer. We'll see what happens there.
Marilyn was actually in touch before her surgery. She made plans to come up here and then ditched them. Nice. Hurt me again but realizing that she just used me -- this time for emotional support. I'm sure it will be for sex down the road sometime soon.
Feeling really sad recently.
The Mouse is doing so good. She spends the night tonight and it should be fun. I look forward to taking a bath with her. :)
I have the worst kink in my shoulder and have been in so mch pain recently. I even got a massage and it actually made things worse. It makes me want to actually cry it can hurt so bad sometimes. My right arm just feels numb. This is NOT good.
I got hit by a car a few days after New Year's. Nothing too big, I wasn't paying attention. Banged my hip and my elbow and had a little cut on the back of my head. Totally (well almost totally) my fault. Not good!
Work is OK and they have been leaving me alone which is good.
I feel I need a vacation, an escape.
That's about it all. Take care.
Briefly:
Things are OK. Money is tight.
Sara from Connecticut never came to see me. I ended that as it got a little too weird for me.
I'm dating a new girl named Vicky. Very bright and very cool, treats me well. The spark is just not there though.
Lori and I have been getting closer and closer. We'll see what happens there.
Marilyn was actually in touch before her surgery. She made plans to come up here and then ditched them. Nice. Hurt me again but realizing that she just used me -- this time for emotional support. I'm sure it will be for sex down the road sometime soon.
Feeling really sad recently.
The Mouse is doing so good. She spends the night tonight and it should be fun. I look forward to taking a bath with her. :)
I have the worst kink in my shoulder and have been in so mch pain recently. I even got a massage and it actually made things worse. It makes me want to actually cry it can hurt so bad sometimes. My right arm just feels numb. This is NOT good.
I got hit by a car a few days after New Year's. Nothing too big, I wasn't paying attention. Banged my hip and my elbow and had a little cut on the back of my head. Totally (well almost totally) my fault. Not good!
Work is OK and they have been leaving me alone which is good.
I feel I need a vacation, an escape.
That's about it all. Take care.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year to one and all!
It's been about a week since I updated this, so let's dive right in, shall we?
Christmas with Julia was absolutely tremendous. We had SUCH a good time and it was fantastic having her on the actual Christmas Day this year. I got some great pictures and she got some wonderful gifts from Santa Claus. She LOVED the Cinderella table and chairs set and it was such a great day. On Christmas Eve we baked cookies and wrote letters to Santa and the kid is just so downright adorable. And she provided me with a moment in which I will never forget:
On Christmas morning, she came down the steps and ran over to the gifts, so excited. She checked to see if Santa ate the cookies and milk, which he did, and she was getting ready to open her gifts. She tore through the little gifts in her stocking, and at this point I ran into the kitchen to get something to drink for the both of us. So I get back and sit down by her, and she looks at her big pile and then at my little pile, back at her pile and then again at mine. Then she proceeds to bend down, pick up a few gifts, and come over to me and say "Here Daddy, I want to share my Christmas gifts with you." It totally blew me away and I got tears in my eyes as it was so precious and genuine. Thinking about it afterwards, I must admit that it is the nicest thing another human being has ever done for me. What a blessed child I have. I love her SO much.
My ex-wife can be such a bitch sometimes. She really hurt my feelings on Christmas. I, no matter what holiday, always make it a big deal that Julia and I buy a present for Mommy, wrap it, buy and sign a card, ya know, the whole nine yards. This year I got Julia's mom a beautiful windchime, cost be about 27 dollars. On Christmas Eve, Julia and I wrapped it, I had Julia write out the card herself, the whole deal. So, I pull up to her house on Christmas afternoon and I tell Julia to give her mom the gift and the card and a big Christmas hug. So she does. My ex-wife turns to me and goes 'Thanks!'. And then walks in the house.
Yeah, nothing. Not a gift from Julia or even a card. I actually stood there for a few seconds kinda just unable to move. It fucking HURT. In thinking about it, I know exactly what is going on. Just as she quickly replaced me as a husband, she is now trying to replace me as Julia's dad with her new husband. The husband thing I can give a fuck about, but she'll never replace me as Julia's dad, no way. My exwife wouldn't give a fuck if I was dead, and to be brutally honest, she probably would prefer if that were indeed the case. Fuck that bitch. She's just as cold hearted to others as she was in bed. Still, it won't stop me from still buying her gifts from Julia and having Julia make/sign her cards. I want to raise my daughter the correct way and will continue to do so. I bet you a thousand dollars that my exwife got something for her new husband from Julia, but not me. Oh well. Again, fuck that cold bitch.
Ya know, Ben Folds is a great piano player, but my God does he have a terrible voice. Someone needs to take the vice off of his balls because he sounds like a whiny little bitch. Awful.
New Years weekend as a lot of fun with Lori and Mary. Friday night I went out with Tina which was a lot of fun, and Saturday I met up with Lori and Mary and her two friends to watch the Penn State game (yes!) and to see my friend's band, who are just absolutely tremendous. An awesome time was had by all, in fact, I had a lot of fun. New Years I went to Lori and Marys for a big party and had a great time. Lori and I kissed for New Years, nothing crazy hot like super tongues or anything, but still it was nice. We also went out to lunch on Christmas Eve. We'll see where all that is headed but who knows. Anyway, good times!
Football season, at least in my mind, is over. We all went up to the bar to watch the games for the last time this year on Sunday, and it was cool. I cannot believe that the Eagles are going home. A difficult year, at best. Well, we'll be back. Speaking of sports, wasn't the Winter Classic cool as fuck? Can't wait to get the Flyers back roaring again and am making plans for a trip down to Clearwater for Spring Training. My trips this year include Spring Training, New York (possibly twice), and Kansas City. Should be a good year for travel. Last year, let's see, I went home three times, Tampa a bunch, Vegas with Marilyn, and I think that's about it. Maybe one day I will tell you all the story about me and Marilyn in the Vegas airport, but I just don't feel like talking about it right now.
I have been on a MAJOR cleaning spree and have kicked so much ass in my house it hasn't been funny. I took down the tree and in doing so wanted to clean a bunch of shit, so I drug out all the old bins of my stuff from the closet to sort out all that crap that was in there from my old house. Wellllllll, I got 6 bins down to two, and got rid of so much crap I didn't want anymore. I came across so many cool things, a lot of things I forgotten about. Things that my grandfather gave me, my high school class ring, a cool zippo lighter, my Phillies replica Championship ring, all kinds of old photos and negatives, all kinds of shit. It felt GREAT to get rid of all that crap and now stuff can actually fit in the closet, like Julia's bike. I took 9 - NINE! - tubs/bags of garbage to the dumpster last night. Really, it didn't make much of a difference in places you can see, but the closet is so much cleaner and accessible, stuff is much much more organized, and it just fels good to have cleaned so much and gotten rid of a bunch of crap I don't want anymore. The living room is the last thing to clean as I already scrubbed my bathroom with Clorox so that is done, my bedroom and Julia's bedroom are finished, and so is the kitchen. Almost done!
Sara and I are doing just fine. She is visiting in January and everything is cool, but however, this really isn't even a real relationship. This long-distance stuff is for the birds, it really is. I don't like it one bit. She's a great girl and all, extremely filthy which is awesome, adores me and respects me which is even better, but who knows. I'm not trying to think about it too much.
Oh -- great news -- my mom called and my brother Stevie was granted his disability. That is bigtime news for my family and I am so happy for him. Also, my dad's parents actually gave him their truck (I know, I couldn't believe it either), and they also got their mortgage reduced with a lower rate. They are off to a good 2008 and I told them that this is going to be a great year for them. And me.
Yes, I am trying to think very positive that 2008 will be a great year for me. You have to think positive to allow positive things to happen to you. I look forward to a great year with my daughter, I look forward to a few special trips, and just look forward to another year of growth. I think I am doing pretty goddamn good if I do say so myself.
May you all have a blessed 2008 and may all your dreams come true in this upcoming year.
Remember: Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken then hurt yourself by trying to put it back together.
It's been about a week since I updated this, so let's dive right in, shall we?
Christmas with Julia was absolutely tremendous. We had SUCH a good time and it was fantastic having her on the actual Christmas Day this year. I got some great pictures and she got some wonderful gifts from Santa Claus. She LOVED the Cinderella table and chairs set and it was such a great day. On Christmas Eve we baked cookies and wrote letters to Santa and the kid is just so downright adorable. And she provided me with a moment in which I will never forget:
On Christmas morning, she came down the steps and ran over to the gifts, so excited. She checked to see if Santa ate the cookies and milk, which he did, and she was getting ready to open her gifts. She tore through the little gifts in her stocking, and at this point I ran into the kitchen to get something to drink for the both of us. So I get back and sit down by her, and she looks at her big pile and then at my little pile, back at her pile and then again at mine. Then she proceeds to bend down, pick up a few gifts, and come over to me and say "Here Daddy, I want to share my Christmas gifts with you." It totally blew me away and I got tears in my eyes as it was so precious and genuine. Thinking about it afterwards, I must admit that it is the nicest thing another human being has ever done for me. What a blessed child I have. I love her SO much.
My ex-wife can be such a bitch sometimes. She really hurt my feelings on Christmas. I, no matter what holiday, always make it a big deal that Julia and I buy a present for Mommy, wrap it, buy and sign a card, ya know, the whole nine yards. This year I got Julia's mom a beautiful windchime, cost be about 27 dollars. On Christmas Eve, Julia and I wrapped it, I had Julia write out the card herself, the whole deal. So, I pull up to her house on Christmas afternoon and I tell Julia to give her mom the gift and the card and a big Christmas hug. So she does. My ex-wife turns to me and goes 'Thanks!'. And then walks in the house.
Yeah, nothing. Not a gift from Julia or even a card. I actually stood there for a few seconds kinda just unable to move. It fucking HURT. In thinking about it, I know exactly what is going on. Just as she quickly replaced me as a husband, she is now trying to replace me as Julia's dad with her new husband. The husband thing I can give a fuck about, but she'll never replace me as Julia's dad, no way. My exwife wouldn't give a fuck if I was dead, and to be brutally honest, she probably would prefer if that were indeed the case. Fuck that bitch. She's just as cold hearted to others as she was in bed. Still, it won't stop me from still buying her gifts from Julia and having Julia make/sign her cards. I want to raise my daughter the correct way and will continue to do so. I bet you a thousand dollars that my exwife got something for her new husband from Julia, but not me. Oh well. Again, fuck that cold bitch.
Ya know, Ben Folds is a great piano player, but my God does he have a terrible voice. Someone needs to take the vice off of his balls because he sounds like a whiny little bitch. Awful.
New Years weekend as a lot of fun with Lori and Mary. Friday night I went out with Tina which was a lot of fun, and Saturday I met up with Lori and Mary and her two friends to watch the Penn State game (yes!) and to see my friend's band, who are just absolutely tremendous. An awesome time was had by all, in fact, I had a lot of fun. New Years I went to Lori and Marys for a big party and had a great time. Lori and I kissed for New Years, nothing crazy hot like super tongues or anything, but still it was nice. We also went out to lunch on Christmas Eve. We'll see where all that is headed but who knows. Anyway, good times!
Football season, at least in my mind, is over. We all went up to the bar to watch the games for the last time this year on Sunday, and it was cool. I cannot believe that the Eagles are going home. A difficult year, at best. Well, we'll be back. Speaking of sports, wasn't the Winter Classic cool as fuck? Can't wait to get the Flyers back roaring again and am making plans for a trip down to Clearwater for Spring Training. My trips this year include Spring Training, New York (possibly twice), and Kansas City. Should be a good year for travel. Last year, let's see, I went home three times, Tampa a bunch, Vegas with Marilyn, and I think that's about it. Maybe one day I will tell you all the story about me and Marilyn in the Vegas airport, but I just don't feel like talking about it right now.
I have been on a MAJOR cleaning spree and have kicked so much ass in my house it hasn't been funny. I took down the tree and in doing so wanted to clean a bunch of shit, so I drug out all the old bins of my stuff from the closet to sort out all that crap that was in there from my old house. Wellllllll, I got 6 bins down to two, and got rid of so much crap I didn't want anymore. I came across so many cool things, a lot of things I forgotten about. Things that my grandfather gave me, my high school class ring, a cool zippo lighter, my Phillies replica Championship ring, all kinds of old photos and negatives, all kinds of shit. It felt GREAT to get rid of all that crap and now stuff can actually fit in the closet, like Julia's bike. I took 9 - NINE! - tubs/bags of garbage to the dumpster last night. Really, it didn't make much of a difference in places you can see, but the closet is so much cleaner and accessible, stuff is much much more organized, and it just fels good to have cleaned so much and gotten rid of a bunch of crap I don't want anymore. The living room is the last thing to clean as I already scrubbed my bathroom with Clorox so that is done, my bedroom and Julia's bedroom are finished, and so is the kitchen. Almost done!
Sara and I are doing just fine. She is visiting in January and everything is cool, but however, this really isn't even a real relationship. This long-distance stuff is for the birds, it really is. I don't like it one bit. She's a great girl and all, extremely filthy which is awesome, adores me and respects me which is even better, but who knows. I'm not trying to think about it too much.
Oh -- great news -- my mom called and my brother Stevie was granted his disability. That is bigtime news for my family and I am so happy for him. Also, my dad's parents actually gave him their truck (I know, I couldn't believe it either), and they also got their mortgage reduced with a lower rate. They are off to a good 2008 and I told them that this is going to be a great year for them. And me.
Yes, I am trying to think very positive that 2008 will be a great year for me. You have to think positive to allow positive things to happen to you. I look forward to a great year with my daughter, I look forward to a few special trips, and just look forward to another year of growth. I think I am doing pretty goddamn good if I do say so myself.
May you all have a blessed 2008 and may all your dreams come true in this upcoming year.
Remember: Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken then hurt yourself by trying to put it back together.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Eve!
And I am excited!
Julia and I should have a great day. It's our first actual Christmas together, because the last two years I was getting to see her on Christmas day and then we would celebrate Santa coming to Dad's house on the 26th. So this year makes it so so special. I got her the Cinderella table and chairs and a whole bunch of other stuff as well. Today I will spend wrapping the gifts and I am going to call Lori soon to see if she wants to do a little Christmas lunch (the poor kid is at work!). Julia will arrive after church with her mom, and then we are going to bake cookies, write letters to Santa, open the fireplace, and prepare for Santa's arrival. It should be and will be GREAT. Then after Julia goes back to her mom's on Christmas Day, Ali is heading over and I cannot wait to see her. Her and I and Tina are all headed out on Christmas night for what should be a helluva time.
I am so happy to have Julia here today, but I wish I had someone special to share this day with. Christmas without a special someone in my life kinda sucks.
Sara and I are back to talking and I am actually beginning to feel a bit bad. This girl simply adores me, is falling in love with me, and it is a crying shame as I just don't feel the same way. I know -- KNOW -- that I could have everything I ever wanted with this woman -- the love, respect, adoration, kinkiness, the sex, everything -- but I just don't have any passion for her and am simply not that physically attracted to her. It actually pisses me off a bit. She is coming to visit in January and we are going to hang out for a week, so I guess we'll just go from there. I could have the complete package with this girl. But, it's just not there. Sigh.
I sincerely hope you all have such a wonderful Christmas. Thanks for listening over the past few months and for your emails. They mean more to me than you know. May God bless you on this very special day.
Remember: You don't find love. Love finds you.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
My Oh My.
Wow.
My mind is ALLLLLLLL over the place today. We'll get to that in just one second though.
Julia and I had such a good weekend. She is SUCH a good little girl for me. SUCH a good girl! We went ice skating on Saturday and just had a blast. We made it around the rink two times this year, same as last. :) I was holding her up under her arms and then I would skate and it was like she was 'flying'. We got a few nice pictures out of it, saw Tina and Gina there, and had a pretty good time. Although I am sore as fuck today, my back is all messed up after being Jimmy Hunchback on the ice there for a while holding that kid up! By my God man, lemme tell ya, it felt GREAT to have the skates on again. I actually took notice of how good they felt on me, and I haven't felt like that in a while. Maybe it's time to skate a little more. The picture you see is actually taken above the skating rink we skated at. Not bad :)
The rest of the weekend was pretty good. Friday night her and I went to the grocery store and stocked up, Saturday was skating and then we went for a drive at night to look for houses with good Christmas lights (there really weren't too many), and today was bathtime fun and playing. I took her back to her mom's house, and she will be here tomorrow for Christmas Eve. We had a countdown going this weekend of how many days left it was until Christmas, and she woke up both mornings in my bed, which I didn't mind one bit. I told her that it makes Daddy so very happy when I open my eyes in the morning and she is there smiling at me. :) Bless her little heart. Sure it is hard sometimes being a parent by yourself (and I DID feel lonely this weekend, more on that later), but wow is it worth it. Just the way she looks at me or things she says just brighten my light and make me smile from the heart. It's amazing what your child's love can do for you.
Now onto some other stuff.
I miss Marilyn. At least I think I do.
I've been feeling really alone recently. I went out on Thursday night and got SHITFACED, I really did. First time in a while as well, I just don't drink much anymore. Sara and I got in an argument and while she is very nice and very kinky, she is very clingy and got pissed at me because I didn't talk to her when I was with my friends, and then I didn't answer my phone. I like her, I do, but I know there is no long-term potential there as I am just not super-crazy physically attracted to her. And that is a shame. But hey, I can't help that. More on this later.
So anyway, Marilyn gets my Christmas card and texts me to thank me, and of course I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since. I talked to my friend from Greece and we got to talking about her old relationship that she had when she was here, and how much in love she was with him, and how our relationships paralleled each other. One of the first things she said to me is that 'passion like that only comes around once in a lifetime', and it literally scared the hell out of me. I guess that is where all this is coming from. Marilyn said the exact same thing to me the last time we saw each other, and now Caren from Greece says the exact same thing. I guess I am feeling in that I know I don't feel that way about Sara, and therefore and am going back / thinking about the one who I DID feel that way about. I'm thinking about Marilyn and wondering is she is the 'love of my life', and that is another downright scary thought. What if she is? In our subsequent texts (Marilyn and I have not spoken, it's all been thru texts), she claims that she 'cannot talk to me that often' because 'it's not good for either of us'. And she's right, lol. It's NOT. But I am afraid (and I have felt this way before) that Marilyn and I are missing out on something special. I wonder how she feels about me. Does she not love me? Does she love me but knows it is too much of a hassle (?) to be involved with me as we are so far apart? I don't know, I really don't. In retrospect, still, Marilyn has a lot of growing up to do, still sowing her wild oats so to speak (or maybe that's the kind of life she really wants), but still, I can't help thinking about her, caring about her, even though over the years we have had SO many ups and downs that it is sick. We've hurt each other (her more than me), but sometimes it just makes you stop and think, ya know? I wonder if I am actually still in love with Marilyn or actually in love with the feeling and joy of being in love. Big difference.
I really don't know what else to say. I had Julia this weekend and although she fills so many voids in my life, I still felt very alone. Sara is just so far away, and I want and need someone HERE with me. It's nice to have friends and everything, and I do have a great week planned, but my God man, I WANT someone to share my life with. Maybe the more I think about it, maybe I am just chasing the feeling of being in love than the actual person in Marilyn.
Lori is so downright cute. We hung out on Thursday and I think I am going to surprise her tomorrow and bring her / take her to lunch as she has to work and I don't. We've talked and not only are we going to watch the PSU bowl game together on Saturday, my friend Bob's band is playing and Lori is having a few friends in town as well. So, lol, it turns out it'll be me and 5 girls on Saturday night watching the game and going to see the band upstairs afterwards. THAT should be fun, lol. Oh, and it turns out Lori is going to have New Years' Party as well, which is perfect. And with Ali coming to town and her and I and Tina going out on Tuesday, yeah, it should be a pretty good week. Hopefully, one way or another, something good (yes, that kind of good) will come from this week with all this female interaction. But you know what they say: when you are looking for love it never finds you. Jesus. Looking for love. What a pussy I am. Or a romantic. Or an idiot. How about all three?
I'm going to go see National Treasure: Book of Secrets tonight. Should be cool. Six bucks man, can't be it. Yes, alone.
2008 is going to be the best year of my life. More on this later.
Remember: Friendship often ends in love, but love never ends in friendship.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Whooooo! That's FUNKY!
So why is it that when you meet a beautiful woman, and I mean BEAUTIFUL, that she is with some STROKE? I'm outside, and this literally happened one minute ago, sitting down and having a smoke and this girl and her friend are walking my way and her friend sits down. So we get to talking and long story short, I couldn't BELIEVE that this idiot in his LSU hat, flannel shirt, ripped jeans and dirty boots had this unbelievable girl on his arm. Then her friend proceeds to tell me that he treats her like complete shit, curses at her, drinks like a fish, the whole nine yards. Man, it literally blew me away. Maybe I should just become a dirty scum, look ugly, become a drunk and be an asshole to women, as it seems that's the only way to score with a hottie. Nice guys do indeed finish last. Grrrrrrrrrrr.
Anyway, what's going on my friends? Oh - stupid me accidentally deleted all the comments from my blog. Nice job, moron. Sheesh. Sorry everyone. Anyway, I've been feeling pretty good recently and here is just a quick update for you all to let you know what is going on.
Julia and I had an awesome time last night doing all of the Christmas cards. They are getting mailed today, and I am going to finish her Christmas shopping as well. We had a blast eating cheeseburgers and doing the cards and singing Christmas carols. I am SO glad I have her Christmas day, as it is going to be a hard one. I HATE being alone on this day, absolutely hate it. It's better than previous years though, when I didn't have Julia, and my girlfriend at the time was too married to actually spend the day with me. Marilyn and I went together for 4 and a half years, and we NEVER spent one single Christmas together. I can remember Christmas days during that time period that I spent completely alone. Completely alone on Christmas fucking day. And wow, that's a very sad and heartbreaking thought. She sure loved me, didn't she? Anyway, I have the Mouse for Christmas morning and I couldn't be more happy. Then, that night, me and Tina and Ali are all heading out. Should be fun and I guess I won't be alone after all.
The Philadelphia Eagles have been officially eliminated from playoff contention. What a terrible year. Nothing worked right for us this year, but I believe McNabb will be back next year and they will be half-decent. They need to fill some holes (especially WR) and the defense looks pretty good. The Eagles are the only NFL team with a losing record that has outscored its opponents, and they rank fourth in the NFC in both total offense and total defense. They are 1-5 in games decided by four or fewer points. That's just awful. Ugh.
How about one Mike Richards?! Fuckin sweet! My favorite Flyer gets a TWELVE YEAR contract, worth 69 million. I am so happy that he is going to be a Bum for the next dozen years. I have followed this dude since his days at Kitchner and have been putting him over ever since they drafted him. Sumbitch has 16 goals already this year and plays such a complete game. He is talented and MEAN. My kind of player, so happy that he is gonna be in the orange and black for a LONG time.
Sara and I are getting a long great and it looks as if she is going to visit in January. Should be cool. We talk alot and it's nice to have someone to care about me and respect me. She 'adores' me, so she says. We have come to find out, now get this shit, that her and I were married on the EXACT SAME DAY. Same month, same day, same year. Unbelievable. We talk about a wide variety of subjects, she is very bright, and she is also very kinky. Not a bad combination at all. :)
So I went to therapy last week and it went pretty well. I won't see her until after the holidays. I told her that I have been talking to Stacey again, and also told her that I saw and forgave Marilyn. Yeah, she was kinda blown away. I explained to her what I heard, my mindset, and what happened (see below). She told me that I have grown SO much in the past few months, and that I am doing so well. Nice thing to hear :)
I think that's about it. The Mouse is spending the weekend which should be a lot of fun. Heading out tonight for gifts, heading out tomorrow to party, and then the weekend, then Christmas. Wow. Time flies when you're living on the edge of a lightning bolt :)
Remember my friends: To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.
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